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She Who Styles the Forest
(Captain) and the crew attempt to make a delivery to a mountain village, but find their way blocked by massive, poisonous thorns. A woodcutter introduces them to La Coiffe, the wondrous stylist of the forest, who uses her unique gardening techniques to cut, style, and trim a path through the thorns. She then joins the crew to spread her special gardening style to the rest of the world.
(Captain) and company are requested to transport a package to a nearby village.
Unfortunately, the road to their destination is blocked off by an enormous overgrowth of thorns.
Vyrn: Look at all these spikes! (Captain), clear the way for us, will ya?
(Captain) stands in front of the thorns and crouches for stability.
With sword raised, (Captain) gets ready to—
Woodcutter: Stop, please! Don't cut those thorns!
Vyrn: Wait, why not? What's the big deal, chief?
Woodcutter: Those thorns contain a deadly toxin. If you aren't trained to handle them, you'll be showered in poison!
Woodcutter: Even woodcutters like myself rarely attempt to cut them down.
Lyria: Wow, that was a close call, then! Thanks for warning us, Mr. Woodcutter!
Vyrn: So what should we do? We've gotta get this package to the village, but those thorns are in the way!
Lyria: That's right. What can we do?
Woodcutter: Your best bet is to head back down the mountain and take the path around. No poison down there.
Vyrn: But we've gotta get this to the village by the end of the day!
Woodcutter: Hm, in that case, how about stopping by my village? The forest stylist should be able to do something about it.
Vyrn: Forest stylist? What's a barber gonna do about a gaggle of poisonous plants?
The crew heads to a nearby village and visits the house the woodcutter mentioned.
A sign denotes the house as a local landscaper's residence.
Vyrn: That woodcutter said we were visiting a barber, but this is a landscaper's house!
Papa Landscaper: Hm? Anything I can help you folks with?
Lyria: Well, actually...
Lyria explains the situation to the landscapers, and requests them to clear away the poison thorns.
With pained, apologetic expressions, the husband and wife duo are forced to decline.
Mama Landscaper: Oh, this is most unfortunate. We'd like to accept. Really, we would.
Papa Landscaper: But we have to head into town at the base of the mountain to prune the plants there, you see.
Lyria: Aw, that really is unfortunate.
???: I'll handle it!
Mama Landscaper: Ah, now that you mention it, that could work.
A young Erune suddenly enters, calling herself La Coiffe.
She explains that she's currently training under the landscapers in order to learn their gardening techniques.
Papa Landscaper: Will you be able to handle it alone, La Coiffe?
La Coiffe: We're talking about the thorns up by the mountain pass, right? Not a problem! I've trimmed those up before, y'know!
Vyrn: So uh, is this scissor girl really going to be able to do anything about the thorns?
Ignoring Vyrn's concerns, La Coiffe readies her massive scissors, a serious expression on her face.
La Coiffe: Time to take a little bit off the top! How about changing your colors up to be more organic? Something closer to what you used to look like?
Vyrn: Whoa, is she about to do something?
La Coiffe: No way, you did this yourself? Playing with fire, my friend!
La Coiffe: And would you look at this? Your roots look simply devastated!
La Coiffe: Hm, the color's started to thin, too. How about a touch-up?
Lyria: Wow, look at that! The thorns looked so sickly before, but now their colors are as vibrant and beautiful as a flower garden!
La Coiffe: You're in good hands now! We'll have your original colors back quick as can be!
La Coiffe: Let's add some gradients, too! And if I do this, we'll really be able to draw out some volume!
La Coiffe: Change the length, change your look! Let's give you a layered bob style to add dimension!
Vyrn: I have no idea what's going on anymore! She keeps cutting and cutting, but no poison's coming out!
La Coiffe: Hmm, still looking a little too heavy, don't you think? Time to do a little tweaking!
La Coiffe: Ooh, let's take your tips and really thin things out!
La Coiffe: And look at this fluffy stuff here! They're like the seeds from a dandelion or something! One flick, and the sky is filled with the smell of spring!
La Coiffe: Holy smokes, you need water, honey! Have you been properly moisturizing lately? A beautiful girl like you needs her H2O!
La Coiffe: Hee hee, let's just mist here, and over here, take a little bit off the top here, and—
With a flurry of scissor swipes, La Coiffe quickly thins out the poisonous thorns, creating a small tunnel to the other side.
Thanks to La Coiffe's assistance, the party reaches their destination unpoisoned, and delivers the package on time, to boot.
A job well done, (Captain) and company return to La Coiffe's home, smiling all the while.
Vyrn: That was a close shave back there! I didn't realize when the woodcutter called you a stylist that you literally cut the forest's hair!
Lyria: Why did you leave some of the thorns behind, though?
La Coiffe: I'm an organic stylist. Nature's precious to me, so I only trim where necessary.
Vyrn: But if you leave it the way it is now, people are gonna get poisoned!
La Coiffe: Actually, you might not have heard, but those thorns weren't even poisonous up until about 10 years ago.
Vyrn: The heck?
La Coiffe: The poison's a natural defense mechanism against people cutting, picking, and generally doing whatever they want to the thorns whenever it suits them.
La Coiffe: That's why my family's been hard at work developing new gardening techniques to allow us to coexist more peacefully with nature.
Lyria: Is that what you meant by that organic stuff earlier?
La Coiffe: That's right. I'm an organic stylist!
Lyria: Wow, you're the most amazing gardener I've ever seen!
La Coiffe: Got that right! But my family's never going to make any waves working out here in the middle of nowhere.
La Coiffe: I know! I'll tag along with you guys! That's okay with you, right, Captain?
Choose: Of course. Welcome aboard!
- Of course. Welcome aboard!
- Can you handle Vyrn's hair?
La Coiffe: Whoa, you're sure? I was just joking, but if it's okay with you, let's go!
Vyrn: Psh, give me a break...
La Coiffe: I've been thinking about it since we were back at the village. You bring smiles wherever you go! Just the kind of people I want to be with!
Vyrn: Hoo boy. Well, you've got spirit, that's for sure!
And with that, La Coiffe, the wondrous organic stylist, joins the crew.Choose: Can you handle Vyrn's hair?
La Coiffe: Hmm, I wonder. Maybe do him up with something vivid and neon?
Vyrn: More like vyvyd! Not that I really know much about all that hair lingo you were throwing around!
La Coiffe: Looks like that fine head of hair's never even been touched. Perfect candidate for something heavy in front, with nothing in back.
La Coiffe: Ooh, or maybe just go high and tight?
Vyrn: High and tight? That sounds right up this high-flying dragon's alley!
La Coiffe: It's basically a clean shave of your entire head!
Vyrn: Wait a sec, bald? That's going a little overboard, don't you think?
La Coiffe: Hee hee, sorry about that. On second thought, my scissors are only really cut out for plants.
La Coiffe: I mean, I couldn't really tell you where the different parts of your hairline are. The parietal ridge? No idea!
La Coiffe: Ah, sorry. There I go with the lingo again. The parietal ridge is like, the line between the top of your head and... the side of your head?
Vyrn: Got me stumped. Do plants even have that stuff in the first place?
And with that, La Coiffe, the wondrous organic stylist, joins the crew.Continue 1
While shopping for supplies, the crew finds a restaurant famous for its all-natural cuisine with a line out the door that stretches for miles. After sitting down and trying the food for themselves, however, the crew finds it curiously lacking. When La Coiffe expresses doubts about the restaurant's organic credentials, the owner takes it personally, dragging her and the rest of the crew to a mountain farm to absolve their doubts himself.
(Captain) and company visit an island famous for its produce to restock on provisions.
Finished with most of the purchases for the day, the crew notices a massive line forming near the main road leading back to the ship.
Vyrn: Whoa, take a look at the size of that line!
Lyria: I can't even see where it ends. What's it for?
Villager: You don't know? This is a famous restaurant that uses all-natural organic ingredients to make some of the best food you've ever tasted!
Vyrn: Organic, huh? That sounds right up your alley, scissor girl!
La Coiffe: That's right. Slightly different take on the idea, though.
La Coiffe gazes upward with a nonplussed look on her face. Far away toward the end of the line is the sign for the restaurant, apparently named Microbius.
Lyria: Let's check it out, La Coiffe! It must be good if this many people are waiting in line!
After waiting for a few hours, the crew is finally seated inside. They place their orders, hearts full of anticipation.
Pleasant smells from the kitchen accompany the arrival of an enticing plate of bread and pasta.
Each member of the crew hurriedly reaches across the table, ladles food on their plates, and takes their first bites. An eerie silence follows.
They look quizzically at each other. No one reaches for a second helping.
Vyrn: Hm, I'm not sure what to say. This organic stuff doesn't really do it for me.
Lyria: You're right, Vyrn. It's not really what I expected.
As the crew voices their disappointed reactions to the food in front of them, the owner of the restaurant hurriedly rushes to the table.
Restaurant Owner: Bwahaha! Dearest customers, you merely lack the refined palette necessary to appreciate such fine cuisine!
Restaurant Owner: I'm afraid I must ask you to leave before you besmirch the name of my restaurant any further.
La Coiffe responds calmly to the owner's unreasonable demands.
La Coiffe: If this is how you respond to unsatisfied customers, I kinda doubt your ingredients are even half as all-natural as you claim they are.
Restaurant Owner: How dare you! I have exclusive contracts with organic farms, from which I procure only the finest of all-natural ingredients!
La Coiffe: Oh yeah? How about showing me to the farm, then?
Restaurant Owner: Bwahaha! As you wish. I shall prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that my pride is as pure as mother nature herself!
The crew is led by the owner toward a farm that cultivates all-natural wheat.
Vyrn: Well, this sure got crazy in a hurry.
Lyria: Um, are you sure about this, La Coiffe?
La Coiffe: No worries. Mom and Dad taught me a very important lesson from a young age.
Lyria: What kind of lesson?
La Coiffe: Beauty starts in the kitchen. What starts organic has to end organic.
Vyrn: Hm, I'm not sure I follow, scissor girl. As usual!
Restaurant Owner: Bwahaha! You certainly seem confident, I'll grant you. But you left it up to me to prove my point.
Restaurant Owner: It's far too late to admit your wrongdoing and apologize, you know!
La Coiffe: Quiet. Do you hear that? There's a disturbance within the forest.
Restaurant Owner: A disturbance? Hold on, you! If you're trying to suggest—
La Coiffe: On your guard, everyone! Something's coming.
Simply Organic: Scene 2
La Coiffe visits the farm used by the restaurant for its organic ingredients, but finds several glaring issues with its supposedly all-natural agriculture. La Coiffe then uses her wondrous gardening abilities to purify the farm's produce.
The crew finally arrives at the farm the restaurant owner has an exclusive contract with.
As the elderly couple that runs the farm introduces themselves, they can't help but wax rhapsodic about the ethics motivating their work.
Elderly Man: Yep, better believe it! We don't use any medicine or magic here. Our crops are raised solely by the tender loving care of mother nature!
Restaurant Owner: Bwahaha! So? Still believe the hardworking farmers here to be less than truthful?
La Coiffe: I don't, actually. There are a few things I'd like to have clarified, though.
La Coiffe: First, about the compost you use here—where does it come from?
Elderly Man: Why, we mostly just use leaf mold from the nearby mountains, of course!
Restaurant Owner: You lose again, sweetheart! Everything here from the soil up is completely organic!
La Coiffe: The nearby mountains? As in, the same ones we passed through on the way here?
Elderly Man: Yes, that's right. Why do you ask?
La Coiffe: Have you realized it yet, Mr. Restaurant Owner? We ran into some guests on the way here.
Restaurant Owner: Like who? I certainly didn't notice anyone! Just thoroughly unscrupulous monsters who—
Upon uttering these words, the owner's face turns an unsettling shade of blue.
La Coiffe: It just hit you, didn't it?
La Coiffe: The nearby mountains are infested with monsters, which means the fertilizer you use is tainted with their dark magic!
Restaurant Owner: As if that could possibly have much of an effect on the final product!
La Coiffe: It's not just the compost. The fertilizer's probably got issues, too.
Elderly Woman: There couldn't possibly be any monster influence there. All our fertilizer comes from one of our barns, and gets mixed in with the compost.
Elderly Woman: If you have any doubts, you're free to see for yourself. Follow me, dearie.
La Coiffe: That won't be necessary. The barn must be packed close to bursting with livestock.
La Coiffe: I've been listening to their cries ever since we got here.
Restaurant Owner: Please. You'd hear the same thing at any farm!
La Coiffe: Stressed animals are more likely to become sick. To defend against that, you've probably mixed plenty of medicine into their food.
La Coiffe: All that medicine ends up in the fertilizer, which ends up in the compost. And that means the all-natural produce you've grown is anything but!
La Coiffe: To disguise the contamination, you have to cook it in the blandest way possible. By the time it reaches the table, the only thing that stands out is the stink.
Vyrn: Now I get it! That's why the food we had back at the restaurant was so bad!
Lyria: Wow, La Coiffe! You know so much about nature, beauty, and the fine art of cooking!
With drooping shoulders, the crestfallen restaurant owner mutters an apology to the crew.
Restaurant Owner: Oh, woe is me. Woe is us! All we ever wanted to do was create something wonderful. And here you are, trying to render it all moot.
La Coiffe: Nah. I'm here to make it beautiful.
Restaurant Owner: Huh?
La Coiffe: Hee hee! I knew you guys weren't lying. That's why I'm here.
La Coiffe pulls out a pair of massive scissors and beautifully styles the nearby wheat fields, all while firing off a barrage of hair salon lingo.
Within minutes, the wheat begins to take on its original golden hue, and the entire farm sparkles with a purity that can only be found in nature.
La Coiffe: That should just about do it, Captain! Now let's clean up these monsters!
Simply Organic: Scene 3
After returning to the village, (Captain) and company are invited back to the restaurant, where they're treated to a full course organic dinner using the ingredients La Coiffe purified. With the crew smacking their lips in anticipation of future meals, and La Coiffe giving her full seal of approval, the restaurant owner can once again hold his head high with pride.
(Captain) and company dispatch the monsters in the nearby mountains, allowing the farmers to procure untainted leaf mold once more.
The following day, the owner of the restaurant offers the crew a special invitation as thanks.
What appears at their tables is the same dish from the previous day, but made from the wheat La Coiffe took her scissors to.
Restaurant Owner: Bwahaha! How does it taste? This is the kind of organic cooking my restaurant's known for!
Vyrn: Whoa, the bread and pasta's so much better than the stuff from yesterday, it's crazy!
Lyria: Sure is, Vyrn! Can you believe they used the same wheat, too?
Restaurant Owner: Miss La Coiffe, I would like to offer my sincere apologies for the way I treated you the other day.
Restaurant Owner: I put special care and attention into your dish. Is it... not to your liking?
La Coiffe has yet to take a single bite of the food at the table, making the owner understandably nervous.
With a stern expression, La Coiffe quietly loops a few strands of pasta through her fork, playfully raises it to her mouth, and takes a bite.
La Coiffe: Mm, this is definitely 100% organic! It's so delicious, I can feel myself being purified to the core!
Restaurant Owner: Really? You mean it? Thank goodness. I don't know what I would have done if you didn't like it!
With La Coiffe's seal of approval, the owner of the restaurant can finally rest easy knowing that his food is really, truly organic.
The Scent of Happiness
The crew tracks a gang of thugs down to a nearby village that used to be covered in flowers. La Coiffe and Lennah use their powers to strike fear into the hearts of the thugs and return peace to the town.
Lyria: Wow, (Captain)! Look at all the beautiful flowers!
Vyrn: Sure is pretty here! Hard to believe it's a bad guy hideout...
(Captain) and company get a request to deal with some bandits who have been causing problems for travelers near town.
After arriving at a nearby village where the bandit safe house is rumored to be, the crew can't help but admire the greenery before them.
Lennah: Oh my, isn't this wonderful? Such beautiful flowers as far as the eye can see!
La Coiffe: The all-natural design of this place is simply amaaazing! Just looking at it has me feeling super organic!
Lennah: Oh dear... What flower is this, I wonder? I've never seen it before.
La Coiffe: Hm... It's a variety of carnivorous plant. When it goes dormant, adorable little flowers start to bloom all over!
Lennah: So that's what it is. There certainly are a lot of rare species here.
La Coiffe: Hrmrmrm... Do you know what this little guy is, Lennah? It seems kinda like a tree but different.
Lennah: Hee hee... That's a flower that grows big and lives a long, long time. Looks like it's just about to bloom too.
Vyrn: All this flower talk is fine and all, but can we finish that request we got already?
Lyria: There, there, Vyrn. Let's look around just a little more, and...
Lyria: Huh? Why does this spot have so few flowers?
Lennah: Oh my, you're right. I wonder why?
La Coiffe: Hmm... This didn't happen naturally. Seems like someone wrecked everything here on purpose. The flowers got yanked out too.
Villager: Whoa there, folks. Are you travelers? I'd advise against going much farther if I were you.
Vyrn: Why's that? Something bad past here?
Lyria: Actually... we were given a request to apprehend some bandits.
Villager: You're kidding me. A bunch of kids are going to take out those thugs?
Vyrn: Heheh! Judging us by our appeareance, eh? Well, we're stronger than we look!
Villager: Hrm... Do you really have what it takes to drive them out?
The villager looks around, lets out a sigh, and begins explaining the situation in hushed tones.
After suddenly attacking the town a few days prior, the bandits took over the assembly hall just up ahead.
Villager: We don't have anyone here that can keep the peace. Best we can do is keep the plants watered.
Villager: Sigh... But those bandit jerks said they don't care about the plants. If we don't provide the food and drink they're demanding, they'll burn everything to the ground.
Villager: Worst thing about it is we can't even fight back. Our only choice is to give them what they want.
Villager: It's our fault innocent people are going to suffer. Just thinking about it makes my heart weep...
Lyria: That can't happen! We have to stop them from burning down such a beautiful village!
Vyrn: Got that right! Just let us handle it! We'll beat those bandits and save this town!
Villager: Sorry to impose. Just... be careful. Please.
Vyrn: Look at this place. It's cramped to the max, and there's garbage everywhere!
After travelling down the path, the crew finds a plaza where the bandits have set up shop. What they find there takes their breath away.
Bandit A: Huh? Who the hell are you?
Vyrn: You guys are causing a lot of trouble for everyone! Leave now!
Bandit B: You from the village, lizard? Why should we care what you say?
Bandit C: All those village buttheads know how to do is garden, anyway. We should burn 'em to the ground with the village if you ask me!
Vyrn: I'm not a lizard! And if you're not gonna leave on your own, we'll just have to force you out!
Bandit D: Bwahaha! What's a lizard and a buncha kids like you gonna do to us?
Bandit A: Guess we'll just have to do this the hard way!
Vyrn: Gimme a break! If you want to run, this is your last chance!
(Captain) readies a weapon against the bandits, who approach with weapons of their own.
As they reach striking distance, (Captain)'s grip tightens.
Lennah: Now, now, no need to fight!
Lennah throws herself between the two groups, surprising everyone in sight.
Bandit C: What're you tryin' to pull, girl? Get in our way, and you're gonna get a clobberin'!
Lennah: No wonder you're all so quick to anger. There are no flowers here!
Lennah: Add a few flowers, and I'm sure you'll all be much happier. Then we can all be the best of friends!
Vyrn: Is now really the time, Lennah?
Lennah: Hee hee... You were thinking the same thing, weren't you, La Coiffe?
La Coiffe: That's right. If your environment looks nasty, you'll start to feel nasty too!
La Coiffe: Okay then. We'll just go ahead and treat this sickly garden of yours, free of charge!
Lennah: Hee hee... Let's! We'll make all the flowers and plants here just as happy as can be!
Bandit A: What the! Where'd these flowers come from all of a sudden?
Bandit B: For cryin' out loud! I can't pull 'em off! Urghhh!
Bandit B: What's going on here—
Ack! W-what're you planning to do with those huge scissors?
La Coiffe: Hee hee... So unruly! A good old cut could really do wonders!
Bandit D: Aiee! Stop! You wouldn't dare!
La Coiffe: Snip, snip! Hee hee... It's going to be all right, dear. You're all going to feel absolutely fabulous when we're done!
Bandits: Aaaagh! Stop! Please!
The bandits are engulfed in flowers conjured up out of nowhere. The scissor blades La Coiffe weilds dance around the troublemakers.
It doesn't take long for La Coiffe and Lennah to finish their beautifying.
Lennah: Hee hee. All done! Say hello to your beautiful new garden packed with happiness!
Lyria: Oh my gosh... It's incredible! Everything was a mess just a few moments ago!
La Coiffe: What do you think? I don't exactly get to work with magical flowers like Lennah's every day, so I decided to try for something airy and open.
La Coiffe: Hee hee. It really makes the flowers pop seeing them next to the trees and other plantlife.
Vyrn: Hey, you're right. Considering how many trees there are, the flowers really stand out!
Vyrn: Wait! The bandits! What's going on with the bandits?
Lennah: No worries! Look at them. They have such contented looks on their faces!
Lennah: Oh, it's simply wonderful! Feeling relaxed in this wonderful, happy flower garden?
Bandits A & B: Aah! Have mercy! We've had enough flowers to last a lifetime!
La Coiffe: Hee hee. Your clothes are looking super organic too! A perfect match for the flowers!
Bandits C & D: Oh no... The clippers... They're coming this way!
Bandits: We're so sorry! We'll never show our faces in this village again!
Lyria: Wow! They all ran off!
Vyrn: We did it! Nice work you two!
Villager: Hey, everyone! The bandits just came running past, and—wow! What a beautiful garden!
Villager: I don't believe it! You didn't just get rid of those bandits; you fixed up the garden too!
Villager: Thank you so much! Our village is in your debt!
La Coiffe: Hee hee! Hooray! All our hard work paid off, Lennah!
Lennah: Tee hee... It certainly did. It seems these flowers are going to make a lot of people very happy!
Thanks to a little flower power, La Coiffe and Lennah end the crisis without conflict.
The two share a day of satisfied smiles with the rest of the village, buoyed by the fragrant scent of flowers all around them.