Scenario:Auld Lang Syne: The Roomcone War - Opening

Auld Lang Syne: The Roomcone War - Opening

Along with the coming of New Year's, two snack-loving militias descend on the Ox Temple. One side professes their love for Chococones, while the other insists Chocorooms are the superior candy. Soon enough, their earthly desires attract Kleshas and an unbridled war breaks out.

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With the year drawing to a close, the crew has come to the Ox Temple to pay their respects.

Vyrn: Aaah, now this is the kinda place where a guy can spread his wings!

Lyria: The cows look so happy! And I can't wait to see Catura!

Among all of the divine temples, the shrine bovine is among the most peculiar.

Conventionally, the worship hall and temple office would be located in the main complex, but here the cattle graze peacefully on an open ranch.

Even Catura, guardian of the Ox Temple, prefers to spend her time in the fields, allowing the townsfolk to take care of their own holy affairs at the satellite temple.

Joy: This is Joy's first time at the Ox Temple! Joy wants moo-moo friends!

Zooey: That sounds nice. Personally speaking, I want to drink a cold glass of milk.

Joya, Joy's predecessor, once went mad and flew into outer space.

To fight off this threat, Zooey donned the garb of a priestess and joined with the divine generals. Since then, she has been regularly paying the new year spirits a visit.

(Captain) and pals trudge down a snow-covered road, heading for a particular cowshed.

Vyrn: Hey, Cow Prints! You home? Your favorite skyfarers have come to hang out!

Catura: Zzz... Zzz...

Vyrn: She's still asleep? But it's already noon!

Snuggled in a cozy corner of the barn, a pillow rested in her arms, Catura is serenely snoozing the day away.

Catura's Mom: My, if it isn't (Captain)! Did you come to see our little Catura?

Lyria: Hi, Catura's mom and dad! Sorry for showing up unannounced.

Joy: Catura is deep-deep asleep. Has she been worn out?

Catura's Dad: I'm afraid so. This time of year brings lot of visitors to the Ox Temple, which means more customers looking for our milk.

Catura's Mom: She was up early milking the cows. I don't want to keep you all waiting, but would you mind letting her rest a little while longer?

Lyria: Of course we don't mind, it's just... Won't she catch a cold sleeping in here?

Catura's Dad: Not to worry! Catura's clothing is imbued with special powers.

Catura's Dad: She might feel a little chilly, if anything at all. Just like the cows who sleep under the stars at night.

Zooey: Really? Then we have nothing to worry about.

Cow: Mooo!

Joy: A cow, a cow! Hello, new moo-moo friend! I'm Joy!

Lyria: They love it when you pet them gently! Here, you try, Joy!

Joy: Okay! Easy-does-it!

Cow: Mooo!

Vyrn: I gotta say, the Ox Temple is the weirdest New Year's temple we've been to yet.

Vyrn: The others were road-to-hall filled with people. We practically had to fight our way through crowds just to see our buds.

Catura's Mom: Well, our visitors head to our sister shrine down in the village, so the ranch remains quiet despite the new year.

Catura's Mom: But don't get the wrong idea—the Divine Ox is charged with living a slow life of animal husbandry. So Catura is fulfilling her duties with aplomb!

Catura: Zzz... Mmm, so much milk...

Lyria: Hehe, I see what you mean! That's the face of someone who loves the slow life!

Vyrn: No kidding. Makes me wish I could catch some Z's too.

Zooey: ...

Joy: Zooey? What's the matter?

Zooey: I can't shake this strange feeling...

Lyria: What kind of feeling?

Zooey: It's like... some omnipresent balance has been desecrated...

Zooey: In fact, that's why I accompanied (Captain) here in the first place.

Vyrn: Maybe it's your imagination? As you can see, these fields ain't no battleground.

Zooey: For now...

Zooey: Hm?

The cowshed begins to shake violently as panic rises through the crew.

Vyrn: Yikes! What's going on?!

Lyria: Everyone! Hurry outside!

Cow: Mooo!

Joy: Yikes! That was close! What happened?!

They rush out of the shed to find a portion of the fencing surrounding the ranch has been blown away.

Two bands of disgruntled villagers flood into the fields and stare each other down.

Fury rises among the cows, their grazing interrupted by the sudden intrusion.

Roomer Elder: Today is the day we shall settle things once and for all!

Coner Elder: I couldn't agree more. We shall put this whole silly matter to rest!

Vyrn: Hold on! Are you the jerks who destroyed the fence? Have you lost your minds!

Roomer Elder: Nothing of the sort! We're here to wage a war!

Lyria: W-war!

Coner Elder: That's right. You'll have to excuse the commotion.

Coner Elder: Now, whose side are you on? You've got the look of fine Chococone folk.

Roomer Elder: How dare you slander these kind strangers! They're clearly Chocoroom people!

Lyria: Chocoroom?

Vyrn: And what was the other one? Chococone?

Roomer Elder: Wait! You mean you've never heard of the Roomcone Wars?

Joy: The Roomcone Wars?

Coner Elder: This is absurd! Who doesn't know of the greatest conflict afflicting the skies? What did they teach you in school!

Roomer Elder: Allow me to explain! Long, long ago...

Roomer Elder: I was born to master chocolatiers. My life's work was to walk in their footsteps and bring delightful confections to the world.

Roomer Elder: I would gather ingredients from Chocolae Island, procuring only the finest specimens. And back in the atelier, I would spend hours honing my craft.

Roomer Elder: And then, I did it: I stuck a biscuit stick inside of a dome of chocolate. The world finally had its most marvelous snack ever, the Chocoroom!

Roomer Elder: My delighted patrons could eat it without sullying their fingers, all while enjoying the adorable mushroom shape. Perfection.

Coner Elder: Ahem! With my brother's invention of a new confectionary experience as inspiration, I set out to make chocolate history myself.

Coner Elder: I went to Chocolae Island to gather ingredients, and spent my time perfecting my methods. Oh, how I toiled!

Coner Elder: And then, I did it: I poured chocolate over a crunchy cookie cone. The world finally had its most marvelous snack ever, the Chococone!

Coner Elder: I brought texture and flavor together in a miraculous balance, all in an adorable bamboo shoot shape. True perfection.

Roomer Elder: Our snacks spread throughout the village like wildfire. People began to ally behind the candies, raising their banners half in jest.

Coner Elder: But it all came to a head when...

Unbiased Chief: Now, we shall decide by democratic vote whether our village should be called Mount Chocoroom or Town Chococone!

Coner Elder: It was a village with nothing to its name save for its hallmark snacks. Of course such a deficient place would brand itself by its products.

Roomer Elder: A vote was conducted across the forty-seven districts of the village, each district being worth one point. But the score...

Roomer Elder: No! This can't be happening!

Roomer Elder: Mount Chocoroom lost forty-six to one. By the way, the one district that voted correctly was where ol' Miss Fukushima used to live.

Roomer Elder: Whimper... Miss Fukushima! I will hold your singular vote close to my heart until the end of time! I would gladly die before letting anyone tarnish your legacy!

Vyrn: Yeah, yeah. You're thankful to some random lady. Back to the story?

Roomer Elder: Ah, sorry... Where was I? Ah yes, the voting results...

Roomer Elder: I won't stand for this! Surely there are less of you Chococone heathens!

Roomer Elder: You, you... Coners will rue this day!

Roomer Elder: I gathered all the Chocoroom lovers into a fighting force. We were fired up and demanded our just desserts!

Coner Elder: That's not what just desserts means... But we of the Chococone also took to the streets and met them head on. It was a bloodbath, one that will see its fortieth year come tomorrow...

Roomer Elder: And now you know the history of our bloody feud.

Vyrn: What! You've been fighting for forty years? Over some stupid candy!

Lyria: But that doesn't explain why you had to come to the Ox Temple?

Coner Elder: As you can see, this uncultured oaf won't accept reason, so we're here to have the year spirit talk some sense into him.

Roomer Elder: As usual, your barbarism knows no end! How dare you try to sway these good people with your nonsense!

Coner Elder: Nonsense? You're one to talk. Forty-six to one was quite clear! Other than ol' Miss Fukushima's district, it was a clean sweep!

Roomer Elder: So now you want to run Miss Fukushima's good name through the mud, do you! I'll have you know she bought Chocorooms every day without fail!

Coner Elder: Oh, I know. Dirty money that you've spent peddling your inferior wares! The results spoke for themselves, damn it!

Coner Elder: According to the village chief's most loved candy rankings, Chococones take the cake in both the general and household consumption ratings!

Coner Elder: Everyone, minus you gruffs, can see that the delicious, nutritious, and authentic Chococones are the clear victor!

Roomer Elder: Gah! My pride!

Joy: Oh my! Did he take damage?

Zooey: It seems their insults have grown powerful enough to do bodily harm. Such a brutal war...

Vyrn: Now you're calling it a war too? Isn't this a plain old argument?

Roomer Elder: What do rankings matter? Such drivel goes against the purity and majesty of chocolate-making!

Roomer Elder: The Chocoroom can be eaten biscuit first or chocolate first, leaving your favorite portion for last!

Roomer Elder: Or you can eat the exterior chocolate coating off the dome before enjoying the inside! The possibilities are infinite!

Roomer Elder: But your pathetic cookie base? It's been entirely coated in chocolate!

Roomer Elder: That means there's only one, pitiful method of eating it!

Coner Elder: Gurgh! My ego!

Coner Gal: The chocolate and the biscuit coexist in harmony but can be separated for one's pleasure? Wow! One for the Roomers!

Coner Elder: Hmph. What you say is true, brother. But you've forgotten the most important detail!

Roomer Elder: What?!

Coner Elder: Today's verdict will be given by the Divine Ox, Catura! And when it comes to cows...

Roomer Elder: Gods help us... She'll judge based on the milk content! You wouldn't dare!

Coner Elder: I sure would! Peer into this milk-filled bowl...

Coner Elder: And see the Chococones swimming in a pool of their own decadence! I give you: Chococone Cereal!

Roomer Elder: Ouch, my worldview!

Roomer Gal: He's trying to directly appeal to the judge's tastes... What a cunning strategy...

Roomer Elder: We shall see how this latest battle pans out! Do you not recall our battle two years ago? We utterly destroyed you at ball-toss!

Coner Elder: It seems you have forgotten! Four years ago, we soundly defeated you at tug-of-war!

Vyrn: Uh... I think we're getting kinda off topic here, dudes.

Roomer Elder: Check the record! Depsite your superior numbers, we almost took you down! The Roomers have the more unified front!

Coner Elder: What does unity matter? Even our cheerleaders received more votes than yours!

Roomer Elder: Then, then how about the number of times you've spoken so far during today's match! I've had thirty-two lines to your measily twenty-three! We hold the advantage!

Elders: Grrr!

Vyrn: Uh... Anybody follow the ol' Roomer's logic there?

Lyria: I guess the Coners will take the day after all, huh?

Roomer Elder: You petulant girl, say that to my face!

Lyria: Eep!

Lyria: Eep!

???: Argh... Gawrls, what are you doing here! Are you making mischief again?

???: Hold it right there!

???: Graaawr!

Roomer Elder: So you've come...

Coner Elder: The Other Brother!

Lyria: There's another one! And he's younger, with assumably fresher ideas!

Other Brother: Brother Room, Brother Cone, please stop this unproductive bickering!

Roomer Elder: We would if we could, little one! But we've gone too far!

Other Brother: Heed me, please! I understand the delicacy of the thick chocolate shroom cap... And the crunchiness of the sublime cookie base...

Other Brother: Which is why I've created a new confection that employs the best parts of both!

Roomer Gal: Wait...

Coner Gal: You've done what!

Other Brother: Please, witness me! I've taken the humble Chococone and affixed the Chocoroom biscuit to its base, creating the ultimate in—

Elders: No one cares!

Other Brother: Nooo, my life's meaaaning!

???: For gawr's sake... I need to get the gawrls and beat a quick claw outta here...

???: Gawr!

Roomer Elder: Our younger brother has made it clear. We either settle this the old-fashioned way now, or risk greater blasphemy in the future!

Roomer Elder: Gong!

Lyria: Gong? Wait... Oh no!

Coner Elder: Agreed... Today will be the day all shall bow before Chococone supremacy!

Coner Elder: Gong!

Vyrn: Oh crap! They've got Kleshas floodin' outta everywhere!

Joy: Danger, danger! They've gonged too hard!

Roomer Infantry: ...!

Coner Infantry: ...!

Vyrn: Look! The Kleshas are forming something else!

1. Room... cone... gong...

Choose: Room... cone... gong...

(Captain) takes a deep breath before running into the fray.

Lyria: Don't do it, (Captain)! Wait!

Zooey: Yes. My suspicion proved correct. The balance must be restored.

Zooey: As peacekeeper of the skies, I accept the will of both factions and shall bear witness to this battle.

Joy: Riiiing! Joy will fight worldly desires! Joy will free them from harm!

Catura: Snore... Oh, (Captain)...

Though (Captain) and the crew have survived battles both furious and deadly, the greatest confrontation they've yet to witness is soon to take place before their eyes.