Scenario:Erica Fontaine - Miraculous Food

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Miraculous Food

A peppy Erica heads into town to buy food to make lunch for the crew. The crew waves goodbye, blissfully unaware. Upon hearing Erica's intentions, Ogami remembers the first time he tried her cooking. The crew scrambles to intercept Erica after hearing Ogami's food review.

Early one afternoon, Erica calls on the crew, seemingly in good spirits.
Erica: Hey, (Captain)! I'm gonna make lunch for you guys today!
Vyrn: Huh? Are you sure? Aren't you wiped out from taking out all those Koumas?
Erica: Hehehe, you don't need to worry 'bout me.
Erica: Y'see, the thing is, apparently there's this huge market in the next town...
Erica: And I've heard that the pudding they sell there is just to die for!
Erica: So if I'm making lunch for you guys, I wanna pull out all the stops!
And with those words, Erica rolls up her sleeves and sets out to gather all the things she needs to make lunch.
Ogami: Huh! Erica's making lunch?
Vyrn: Yup. She just went out to buy the things she needs. she's in a really good mood. Why, what's eating you?
Ogami: Nothing, it's just that Erica's cooking is... I mean she cooks from the heart and all, but...
Vyrn: Is it bad? I mean, it can't be as bad as that time the monster ate the food and keeled over, can it?
Ogami: Agh, how can I put this...
Ogami's thoughts return to the memory of the last time Erica cooked for him.
Erica: How is the deep-fried fish? When folks eat this they usually start foaming at the mouth it tastes so good!
Ogami: Well the flavor is stunning. I mean, it could literally knock a guy out (belch).
Erica: Oh I'm so happy that you liked it, Ogami! You're the first person who managed to actually finish something that I cooked!
Ogami: You don't say...
Ogami's words trail off. Sensing from his expression that there is cause for alarm, the crew starts drawing up countermeasures.
Vyrn: Hmmm... I mean, this is just in case, but maybe it'd be a good idea if someone helped her out?
Ogami: Yeah... Besides, I feel bad about leaving everything—from the shopping to the cooking—up to her.
Vyrn: You're right! She can stand on her own two feet, but it's mean to abandon her like this.
Vyrn: All righty! We'd better get after her, fast!
Ogami: Right. I've got some things to get ready, so lets meet back here soon.
The crew decides to intercept Erica's shopping expedition to the next town.

Miraculous Food: Scene 2

Ogami catches up to Erica and the two wander the market. Erica haggles for some meat without realizing it, and the shopkeeper remarks that Ogami's wife is skilled at the negotiation game. Erica, flustered but happy at the mistake, runs off and hits her head on a signboard. Ogami has no time to rest around the energetic Erica but he doesn't seem to mind.

Erica: Huh? Ogami, (Captain), is everything OK?
Ogami: Well, we thought you might get lonely on your shopping trip.
Erica: So you decided to keep me company? That's so nice!
Ogami: Wow, you've already bought so much. Here, let me help you with that.
Erica: Really? Thank you! Just keep your hands off the desserts, OK? Though actually I haven't bought them yet...
Erica: Hee hee.
Ogami: What's so funny?
Erica: Walking along like this, just the two of us, doesn't it feel like a date?
Ogami: A d-d-date? Hahaha!
The two friends walk through the town chatting merrily.
Vyrn: Man, those two are in a world of their own. They're completely ignoring us!
Erica: Ah! That meat looks sooo delicious!
Erm, excuse me! I don't suppose you could give me a deal on this meat?
Ruffian: What! We gotta make a livin', you know! There's no way I can sell it for any less than this!
Erica: Ah! Oh, I'm sorry! It just looks so good I couldn't help myself...
Ruffian: Huh? Y'know, I don't think I like the way you're talkin' to me.
Ogami: Please, wait! I'm sure she didn't mean to offend...
Ruffian: Tch! Fine, if it'll get you outta my sight I'll give ya 30% off, final offer!
Erica: You will? Really?
Ruffian: Dammit! Yer wife is gonna bleed me dry at this rate!
Erica: What? W-wife? Hahahahahaha!
We're not married!
Erica: Ha...Hahahahaha!
Erica runs off still laughing maniacally.
Ogami: Ah! Erica! Wait!
...She's gone.
Erica: Owie... Boy, these signs are all hung so low...
Vyrn: Jeez, I guess even Casanova here can run out of luck sometimes.
Ogami: Ahaha, I'm just glad that things are peaceful enough that Erica can run off like that safely.
Vyrn: Hmm, I guess you're not wrong.
Erica: Ogami! What are you doing just standing around like that? Let's get back!
Vyrn: Does she have an off switch?
The crew finish up their shopping trip. Following Erica they reach the town where they have stopped for the night.

Miraculous Food: Scene 3

Erica returns from shopping and begins preparing lunch with Katalina's help. The kitchen reverberates with the sounds of doom. In spite of their trepidation, the crew actually enjoys the food, but this turns out to be nothing more than the hallucinatory powers of the combined culinary skills.

Erica: Tra-la-la! Tro-lo-lo!
Erica's singing echoes out from the kitchen.
Ogami is seated at the dining table listening to it and waiting patiently for the food.
Vyrn: Huh? Hey, Casanova, didn't you say you were gonna help with the cooking?
Ogami: Haha... Well, I was going to, but she's banned all men from the kitchen.
Ogami: But don't worry, Erica's not alone. I sent Katalina in there to help her out in my stead.
Vyrn: Wh-wh-what! Why didn't you tell us earlier? I've got a bad feeling about this...
Ogami: Huh? Did I do something wrong?
Vyrn: You're damn right you did! Prepare yourself, there's no knowing what's gonna come out of that kitchen...
Erica: Heeheehee! Katalina, you've been such a big help!
Erica: I got so excited about cooking for Ogami that I'm afraid I might have bitten off more than I can chew.
Katalina: I'm glad I could help, this way I can learn some new recipes from you.
Erica: Heehee, well thank you anyway! OK, what's next...
Erica: The meat's been marinated, now we need to coat it in the breadcrumbs, make sure the oil is hot enough and... Voila!
Katalina: Wow, I never thought of cooking like this. You're a great teacher.
Katalina: Heheh, you're really showing me up here! I guess I need to up my game!
(Captain) and the others sit at the table with bated breath as they hear the voices coming from the kitchen.
And then...
Erica: Ogami! (Captain)! Everyone! Time to eat!
Katalina: Hahaha. Captain Ogami, you must be so grateful to have a feast like this made in your honor.
Ogami: Haha, you have no idea.
Vyrn: (...Hmmm, it looks better than I expected...)
Ogami: (...Wait... Could it be...)
Ogami: (...Have their separate shortcomings combined into something that is actually edible?)
Erica: Please, everyone, eat up!
Ogami: OK, here goes nothing!
Vyrn: We're all prayin' for ya!
Ogami: ...This is...
Ogami: Delicious! Hahaha! Erica, Katalina, this is the best thing I've ever tasted!
(Captain), not convinced by Ogami's enthusiasm, slowly reaches out to the food on the table.
On the first bite a shiver runs through (Captain)'s body. Though perhaps not quite restaurant quality, it does taste good.
Vyrn: What is this... It's a miracle! Your weaknesses line up in just the right way to make it work! This is yummy!
Erica: Heehee, please, stop it! You're making me blush!
Katalina: Heheheh, I'm glad I've finally been able to make something you actually like, Vyrn.
Erica: Erm, Ogami? Would you like a second helping?
Ogami: Hahahah! There's more? I wouldn't say no!
Vyrn: I'll take some more too!
And so the crew peacefully finish their meal...
Ogami: ...
Vyrn: ...
Erica: Hmm? Ogami? (Captain)? Little lizard?
Erica: Hmmm, Everyone froze up after taking their first bite.
Katalina: Huh? Oh, that. Don't worry, it happens all the time.
Erica: It does? But they really didn't seem to be enjoying it. No one was foaming!
Katalina: Hahaha. I know how you feel. My cooking sometimes smells so strong it knocks passing monsters out of the sky.
Erica: Really? That's amazing! Katalina, you have to teach me how to make your recipes some time!
Katalina: Oh, of course. Hahaha!
Several hours later the crew regain consciousness and discuss what had happened.
They all recall the same pleasant evening of delicious food and interesting conversation, despite all having been unconscious.
They come to the terrifying realization that Erica and Katalina had made food so bad that it caused a mass hallucination.