Scenario:Lamretta - The Loveable Klutz
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The Loveable Klutz
(Captain) and company stop at a tavern and get caught up in some trouble caused by a wine-loving nun named Lamretta. After they all get kicked out, Lamretta passes out from her partying ways, and the crew has no choice but to welcome her in as a crew member.
The crew stops by a village in the dead of night. Hoping to appease their growling stomachs, they step foot into the only tavern whose lantern still burns.
???: Come in, come in!
Vyrn: Hi there! Can we still order?
???: Sure, sure! I'm here to sherve!
Vyrn: Um, what's with her? She's wobblier than a slime on a seesaw.
???: ...!
Vyrn: Whoa! Watch it!
???: Whoopsy-doopsy-doo! Coulda hurt myself there. My bad!
Vyrn: Is that all you have to say for yourself after almost smacking us with that wine bottle?
???: Nyahaha! Look at da li'l baby griffin!
Vyrn: Wha? Don't compare me to those oversized parakeets!
???: Nyahaha! I've never met a shtuffed animal that could talk before. How weird!
Vyrn: Now you're really gettin' on my nerves! I ain't a stuffed animal! The name's Vyrn!
Lyria: Are you all right? Your legs are all wobbly. Have you had too much to drink?
???: Whazzat you say? Nah, I'm not hopped up on hops!
Tavern Owner: What're ya doin', Lamretta! We got thirsty customers over here too!
Geez, the regulars must've bought the lass drinks again...
Geez, the regulars must've bought the lass drinks again...
Lamretta: You got it, boss! On my way!
Lyria: A-actually we were hoping you'd have food on the menu...
Lamretta: Haha! No problem, shweetie. I'll whip up a hot shoup sho good you'll wanna tell your momma about it!
Vyrn: This joint is weird. You sure we wanna eat here, (Captain)?
The tavern door suddenly bangs open, and a rough-looking man comes sauntering in.
Rough Customer: Hey! I'm dyin' o' hunger here. Just gimme something! Anything!
Lamretta: Be right with ya!
Lyria: Uh-oh!
This doesn't look good.
Rough Customer: Hey! Watch where you're goin' with those plates!
Vyrn: Oh snap.
Rough Customer: What're you tryin' to pull here?
Lamretta: I'm oh sho shorry!
Tavern Owner: Please, sir! I sincerely apologize for the trouble we've caused you. Are you all right? Of course your meal is on the house!
Rough Customer: I'm fine! I just want food in my belly!
Sheesh... What's that woman's problem?
Sheesh... What's that woman's problem?
Lamretta: Right away!
Lyria: Um... She's quite something, huh?
Vyrn: That's the problem...
Rough Customer: What's the hold up! I don't care what you bring me, just wheel it out!
Tavern Owner: Eek! Yes, sir! Right away, sir! Lamretta, take this soup to the customer.
Lamretta takes the soup with a clumsy pair of hands and wobbles over to a table.
Lamretta: Here you go! Enjoy!
Lyria: Erm, we didn't—
Rough Customer: The hell! That there's my soup!
Lamretta: Gotta wait your turn, buddy. These kiddos ordered first.
Rough Customer: Hahaha! So you're lookin' for a fight, huh? Then I'll give you a whoopin'... on the house!
Tavern Owner: Oh no... How did it end up like this...
Vyrn: What should we do, (Captain)? We didn't ask for dinner and a show.
Choose: Let's give him the soup.
Vyrn: Fine... Whatever it takes to calm the guy down.
Vyrn: Sounds good! There's no telling what he'll do to her if we don't step in!
Continue 1
Lyria: Fighting is wrong! Please stop!
Rough Customer: You keep your mouth shut unless you want the first knuckle sandwich!
Lyria: Eeek!
Vyrn: Watch out, Lyria!
We gotta help her, (Captain)!
We gotta help her, (Captain)!
Lamretta: O great earth... hallowed spirits... forgive this sin...
Rough Customer: Huh? What're you mumblin' about?
Lamretta: Grant me the strength to cleanse this world of evil...
Rough Customer: Argh! She's a witch!
Lamretta: Shattered Earf!
Rough Customer: ...
Lyria: ...
Lamretta: ...?
Vyrn: Um... A spell won't work if you don't pronounce it right!
Rough Customer: Ergh! Make fun of me, will ya? Yer dead meat!
Vyrn: Yikes! Help her, (Captain)!
Lamretta: ...!
Rough Customer: Oof!
Vyrn: Whoa... He took a bottle to the head. I wouldn't wanna get on her bad side...
Lamretta sends the troublemaker packing, but her not-so-brilliant display of customer service costs her a job.
(Captain) and company also find themselves out in the cold in the aftermath of the ruckus.
Lamretta: Nyahaha! Good times! And good thing I grabbed one for the road too! Glug, glug. Ah, that's the shtuff!
Lyria: You're amazing! The way you clocked that guy was so cool!
Vyrn: Hear, hear! One hit and he was out cold! I'm surprised you even bothered with the hocus-pocus.
Lamretta: Nyahaha. Don't you worry your pretty little head about it. Glug, glug. Mm, delishush.
Vyrn: I dig your style! You handle things like a boss!
Lyria: Oh... But because of us, your real boss had to let you go...
Vyrn: Nah, I don't think we did anything. We were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. And we still haven't eaten now that I think about it.
Lyria: Oh, my tummy's grumbling too.
Vyrn: Boy, I sure could go for a nice, juicy apple.
Lamretta: Nyahaha! Like these ones here? Munch, munch... Gulp!
Vyrn: Apples! Do you think I could have one?
Lamretta: You bet. The tavern master makes a mean cider, so he stocks a boatload of apples. Makes for a pretty good farewell gift.
Vyrn: I'm diggin' in then!
Lyria: Thank you so much!
Huh? Um, hello?
Huh? Um, hello?
Lamretta: Snore... Snore...
Lamretta has already drifted into a deep sleep, her snoring as sonorous as an airship's engine.
Vyrn: You gotta be kidding me.
Lyria: It isn't safe to sleep out here, miss! Please wake up! There are monsters around!
Lamretta: Ngh... No more partyin' for me, thank you.
Lyria: This is no good... Can you stand up? Oof. You're heavier than you look.
Vyrn: What's done is done. (Captain), we'd better help Lyria out.
Lamretta: Heehee... Thanks. You're shuch a nice griffin.
Vyrn: I told you, I ain't no—oh, what's the point. She's a hassle and a half, isn't she?
Thus the fun-loving nun Lamretta joins the fold.
The crew has no idea just how much trouble her legendary fondness for wine will cause.