Scenario:Lamretta - The Loveable Klutz

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The Loveable Klutz

Our heroes soon found themselves in the midst of a hullabaloo caused by rabble rousing nun by the name of Lamretta.Both they and Lamretta were chased away. It seems our heroes had found themselves a new friend. Now they just needed to keep her out of trouble.



The party arrives in town, long after the more sensible among us would have been fast asleep. Hoping to soothe their muttering stomaches, they headed toward the only lantern still lit. It belonged to a one-room tavern.
???: C'mon in, darlink!
Vyrn: Yo! Can you take an order, sister?
???: Comin' righ' up! C'mon in!
Vyrn: Wha? What's she doing? She's wobbling harder than jelly in an earthquake...
???: ?!
Vyrn: Wha?! Get away from me!
???: Whaaaaat?

Whoopshie daisy!

Shorry 'bout that!
Vyrn: Wha...don't you whoopsie-daisy me! Who knows what's gonna happen with you stumbling around like that!
???: Bwahahaha! A li'l baby griffon!
Vyrn: What!? I ain't your buddy, pal!
???: Bwahahaha! I ain't never sheen a shtuffed animal li' that!
Vyrn: Damnit! Who's a damned stuffed animal?! I got a name! It's Vyrn!
Lyria: Are you alright? You have a serious case of the jelly legs... i think you've had enough fun for tonight...
???: Hmm? The hell you say! I'm still rip, roarin', an' ready to go!
Tavern Owner: Hey! Lamretta! We got thirsty guests here! Yeesh. Try to remember that you work here, at least.
Lamretta: Why 'ello there, honeys! C'mon in!
Lyria: E-excuse me! We were wondering if you had any food on the menu...
Lamretta: Haha! Sh'nooo problem, sweetie. I'll whip up a shoup sho good you'll wanna tell your momma about it.
Vyrn: Er...this place is full of weirdoes, (Captain)!
Perhaps Vyrn had spoken too soon. A gust of wind blew into the tavern as the door opened, along with a rough-looking man.
Rough Customer: Hey! I'm dyin' o' hunger here... just gimme something! Anything!
Lamretta: Comin' righ' up! C'mon in!
Lyria: Oh! This...probably isn't good...
Rough Customer: Wha?! What d'you think you're doing?! You're carrying plates! Try not bumpin' into people!
Vyrn: Whoopsie.
Rough Customer: What?! You some sort o' clown?!
Lamretta: Oh, I am shoooo shorry!
Tavern Owner: Oh, dear!! I'm terribly, terribly sorry, sir! I do hope you aren't hurt! Of course, your meal is on the house!
Rough Customer: On the house, off the house! Who cares?!

Just gimme some food!

Yeesh...what the hell is up with that woman?
Lamretta: Of coursh! What're you havin'?!
Lyria: She's, um...certainly got a big personality...
Vyrn: I don't like how this is going...
Rough Customer: Hey! I could eat a horse! Hurry up and get me something, will ya?!
Tavern Owner: Eek! Yes, sir! Right away, sir! Lamretta... take this soup to the customer over there...
Lamretta took the soup in a clumsy pair of hands and proceeded to wobble on over to the table.
Lamretta: And theeeeere you go! Drink it up and drink shome more!
Lyria: Er...what is this?
Rough Customer: Hey!

What are you up to?!

That's soup. MY soup!
Lamretta: Wait your turn, bird...the girl here ordered firsht!
Rough Customer: Ahaha!

You think you can take me?

Bring it on!!!
Tavern Owner: Oh, no...no, no, no...
Vyrn: What should we do? Don't think this is a great time to chow down, (Captain)...
  1. He can have my soup
  2. This calls for a mediator

Choose: He can have my soup
Vyrn: Fine...whatever it takes to make the dude feel better...
Go to "Continue 1"

Choose: This calls for a mediator
Vyrn: Sounds good! No telling what that dude's gonna do to her!
Continue 1
Lyria: You can't! You can't fight here!
Rough Customer: What'd you say to me!? You keep your mouth shut unless you want a piece first! Hmm?
Lyria: Eek!
Vyrn: Lyria! (Captain)! We gotta help her!
Lamretta: Hallowed spirits, far below...forgive him his transgression...
Rough Customer: What?! Whaddayou think you're whispering?!
Lamretta: Grant me strength, o earth...so none may walk in sin...
Rough Customer: Wha...is that a chant?!
Lamretta: Shattered Earsh!
Rough Customer: ...
Lyria: ...
Lamretta: ...?!
Vyrn: Wha? The chant won't work if you can't even pronounce it right, dummy!
Rough Customer: Huh?

Don'tcha think you're forgetting something?

How dare you!
Vyrn: Waugh! (Captain)! She needs help!
Lamretta: !!
Rough Customer: Urk!
Vyrn: Whew...getting hit with a bottle. that's gonna leave a lump...
And so the problem was solved. Of course, hitting your clientele with a bottle is never a good business decision. Lamretta was out of a job.
Mistaken for troublemakers, (Captain) and company also found themselves out in the cold.
Lamretta: Whoooo! Talk about yer good timesh! Waitaminnit... Glad I grabbed one fer the road! Glug glug... whoo!
Lyria: You're amazing! You sure took care of that guy! And you looked so cool doing it!
Vyrn: Hear, hear! One hit and he was out cold! But, uh... couldn't you have done that in the first place? Why mess around with the hocus-pocus?
Lamretta: Bwahahaha. Don' you worry yer pretty li'l head... glug... ah.
Vyrn: Wow, that's amazing! You're a real hard hitter, eh?
Lyria: But...now you don't have a job. It's all my fault...
Vyrn: I wouldn't say we got her into trouble...more like the trouble found us. And I'm still starving, come to think of it...
Lyria: Oooh...my tummy's grumbling, too...
Vyrn: Man...I sure could go for a nice, juicy apple...
Lamretta: Wahahahah! How about this?! Crunch...mrm...ah.
Vyrn: APPLES! C-can I, uh...have one?
Lamretta: Ah, lovely apples...The tavern mashter grows 'em by the boatload. Makesh a sine fider...and a pretty good farewell gift.
Vyrn: Thanks, sister!
Lyria: Thank you so much! Wait? Excuse me! Miss!
Lamretta: Zzzzzz! Snrrkt!
Lamretta had already drifted into a deep sleep, her snoring loud as a buzzsaw.
Vyrn: Wait...you gotta be kidding me...
Lyria: You can't sleep there! Miss! Wake up! The monsters are going to get you!
Lamretta: Mmf...no more partyin' fer me...
Lyria: This is no good...can you stand up? One, two....oof! Heavy, aren't you...
Vyrn: Oh, fine! (Captain)! Help Lyria carry her!
Lamretta: Heehee...that'sh a thank you to you, Mr. Griffon...
Vyrn: I told you...oh, what's the damn use. She's a hassle and a half, isn't she?
And so the fun-loving nun Lamretta joined the fold.
Though the party had no way of knowing what sort of trouble she'd bring down on them next.