Scenario:Ludmila - Portobello Problemo
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The crew gathers to discuss Ludmila and her propensity for causing trouble. Rackam recalls the time her laughing revealed the crew's location to a bandit group, a situation that ultimately culminated in a nasty shoot-out.
Katalina: We have to hurry and find a cure for Ludmila. I can't take much more of this.
Vyrn: Yeah, I ain't having any more of Ms. Not-So-Fungi and her laughing.
A few days have passed since Ludmila joined (Captain) and the Grandcypher crew.
Everyone gathers at a village inn, visibly exhausted looks plastered on their faces.
Rackam : I'm all for it. I can't stand another episode like the other day.
Vyrn: Huh? What happened the other day?
Rackam : You know—we took on that assignment to go get that vase from a clan of mountain bandits.
Vyrn: Ah, gotcha! That really got out of hand, huh?
Rackam : Crud—just look at how many of them there are.
Rackam : Tch. Looks like a change of plan's in order: we get in, get the vase, and get back to Lyria and the others.
Ludmila: Hahaha—got it. We're outnumbered otherwise.
Vyrn: Yeah. Running away means you can fight another day.
Ludmila: Heh. Heh-heh. Hahaha...
Vyrn: Huh? Hey, you all right?
Ludmila: Sorry, I just—haha—can't hold it—hahahaha!
Ludmila: Ahahaha! Bwahahaha-gwahahahaaa!
Vyrn: Hey, hey, hey! Shut your trap! They'll spot us!
Ludmila: Hahaha—I'm try-trying—hahaha!
Bandit: Hmm? You over there! Show yerself!
Vyrn: Ah! This is bad! They found us!
Ludmila: Ahahahaha! Bwahaha! Hahahahaha!
Rackam : Tch! Only one thing left to do now!
Ludmila: Hehehe! I'm sorry!
Ludmila and the others ready their weapons.
Bandit: Over there! Take 'em out!
Rackam : (Captain), Ludmila, let's give them something to laugh about!
Rackam : Hey! That was close! What the hell are you doing?
Ludmila: Haha, sorry! The laughing makes my aim a litt—ahaha!
Rackam : Aah! Th-that one grazed me!
Rackam : These guys don't let up!
Vyrn: Huh! Watch out!
Vyrn: Eee! A bullet just scratched my wing!
Bandit: These guys, what the hell are they doing?
Bandit: Are they firing on each other?
Rackam : Wheeze. Whose side are you on? H-hey! Just stop shooting!
Ludmila: I'm so sorry! Hahaha!
Rackam : What the hell! I said stop shooting!
Vyrn: Eek! Too close!
Ludmila: It's no use hahaha! My body—haha—just isn't listening to me!
Rackam : Ah! Hey! That was my hair!
Ludmila: Ahahahaha! My finger! Haha! I can't take it off the trigger! Haha!
Lyria: Vyrn, (Captain), Rackam! Are you okay?
Vyrn: Lyria! Why are you here? You're supposed to be waiting outside!
Lyria: Everyone was screaming, and there was gunfire—I was worried!
Ludmila: Hahaha—bwahahahaha! Mwahahahah!
Lyria: Umm... So... what's going on here?
Rackam : No time to explain! First we gotta deal with these bandits!
Vyrn: Eek! Lyria, watch out! She's trigger-happy!
Ludmila: Hahaha—bwahahahaha! Mwahahahah!
Portobello Problemo: Scene 2
Katalina continues the discussion with a story of her own: while on a mission to clear out a monster nest, Ludmila becomes enthralled with a type of mushroom she's never eaten before, and in the process, causes calamity for the crew.
Rackam : Wheeze... Pant... We got through that somehow.
Vyrn: Who knows how?
(Captain) and the crew stand victorious after defeating the bandit clan.
However, their victory is tinged with the many wounds that Ludmila inflicted upon them.
Vyrn: Isn't Ludmila awfully quiet? She was laughing so hard before.
Rackam : Now that you mention it...
Ludmila: Haha... Hahaha...
Lyria: Ah! Ludmila's face is totally purple! And she's foaming at the mouth!
Rackam : What? H-hey, snap out of it! Lyria, water! Get some water!
Rackam : Sigh... What a nightmare... One wrong move and someone could have ended up knocking on death's door.
Vyrn: Gulp. Just thinking of it makes my heart leap into my throat.
Katalina: You have to admit, though, that today's monster nest extermination was far more irritating than your brush with the bandits.
Lyria: Yeah, to think that Ludmila likes mushrooms that much.
Katalina: The monster nest should be in this area. Stay on your guard, everyone.
Vyrn: We know, we know! H-hey! Ludmila, where are you going?
Lyria: Huh? Ludmila, it's dangerous to go off by yourself!
Ignoring Lyria's question, Ludmila ambles forth to some unknown destination.
Katalina: Tch. Come on! Follow her! We can't let her go off on her own!
Ludmila: Hehe. Found you, tasty little morsel. Hehehe.
Ludmila is crouched over, suspiciously giggling as she fidgets with something in front of her.
Vyrn: Hey! What's the big idea going off on your own, Ludmila! We oughta—huh? What are you doing?
Ludmila: Hehe. I've found mushrooms that I've never seen before. I'm just harvesting them. Hahaha!
Lyria: Pant, pant. Don't just leave me like that, guys. W-wow, Ludmila, you really like mushrooms, huh?
Ludmila: No, I love them! Haha! Mushrooms just taste so great! Haha!
Ludmila: But—hehe—you wouldn't believe how many are poisonous! Haha!
Ludmila: Haha! If you're not careful—hehe—you'll end up like me! Bwahaha!
Lyria: L-Ludmila! What's wrong?
Ludmila's face rapidly changes from red to purple as if all the blood were suddenly drawn from her face.
Vyrn: H-hey, are you all right? Your face looks like a blueberry! And you're shaking!
Ludmila: Seems like that last tasty little morsel was a little poisonous—hahaha! It's making my body convulse all over! Haha!
Vyrn: You actually ate that mushroom? Didn't you say you'd never seen it before?
Katalina: Eating a mushroom without knowing whether it's poisonous or not—how reckless can you get.
Ludmila: Ahahaha! Bwahaha!
Lyria: Aah! Ludmila, get a hold of yourself!
Katalina: Lyria, stay calm! If you raise your voice...
Katalina: Tch! We're surrounded!
Vyrn: This happens to us way too often!
Ludmila: Hahaha! Hehehe! Bwahahaha!
Lyria: Aah! Katalina, Ludmila's getting up like a zombie!
Katalina: Save the talking for later! Let's take out these monsters first!
Portobello Problemo: Scene 3
Ludmila finishes preparing dinner for the crew just as discussion about her dies down. She happily describes her past as the exiled daughter of a bandit leader but also reveals she is apt to repeat the same mushroom-made mistakes that got her exiled in the first place.
Katalina: Huff... Huff... Seems like that was the last one.
(Captain) and the crew finish cleaning up the last of the monsters that attacked them.
Exhausted from fighting the multitude of monsters shorthanded, the crew takes a moment to rest after the last one falls.
Lyria: (Captain), Katalina, are you all right?
Katalina: Pant. We're okay, but she, on the other hand...
Lyria: Ah! Th-that's right! Ludmila! Are you feeling okay?
Ludmila: Ahaha! Bwahaha—gasp—hahaha!
Ludmila: Hehe—haha—gwahahaha! I'm losing it! Hahaha!
Lyria: Aah! Katalina! Ludmila's shaking! And she's turned purple!
Katalina: Stay calm, Lyria. First we'll need to get her to throw up what she ate.
Ludmila: Ahaha! Sorry for being such a bother! Haha!
Ludmila turns to face (Captain) and deeply lowers her head in apology.
Vyrn: Sigh. It's fine. Next time just try to be careful, would ya?
Ludmila: Hahaha! I'll definitely give it a shot! Hahaha!
Vyrn: Hmm... That didn't sound very encouraging. But why would you eat a mushroom without knowing if it's poisonous or not?
Ludmila: Hehe. Ahaha! It's just—haha—whenever I see a mushroom I've never seen...
Ludmila: The temptation's just too strong! Haha!
Vyrn: What? That's ridicuous!
Lyria: Hahaha... Y-you sure do love mushrooms.
Vyrn: So I've been thinking...
Vyrn: Our problems would be solved if we could get her to lose interest in mushrooms, right?
Katalina: Hmm... It's possible. But I can't say I want to think about what we would have to go through.
Ludmila: Hahaha! So there you guys are! Hehehe! Dinner's almost ready!
Vyrn: Okay, we'll be there soon.
Lyria: Wow. Ludmila, you're such a good cook! This is so delicious!
Ludmila: Hahah! Thanks! I put my heart and soul into it to make up for all the trouble I've caused!
Ludmila: I'm so sorry for today too! Hahaha!
Vyrn: Don't worry about it. Just be careful from now on and we'll be fine.
Ludmila: Thank you! Haha! I'm so hopeless!
Ludmila: My father got upset with me in the past, because I just can't help myself! Haha!
Ludmila: I guess I've just never learned my lesson! Haha!
Ludmila: Hehehe! And eventually they even kicked me out of the clan! Hahaha!
Vyrn: Huh? Kicked out of a what?
Ludmila: Haha! I'm the daughter of a bandit clan's chief. But I did something unforgivable! Haha!
Ludmila: It was so bad that I got the boot! Haha!
Vyrn: What? Unforgivable? What did you do?
Ludmila: Haha! Well, I made dinner with some mushrooms I discovered that morning. Everyone, after one bite—they all went down! Haha!
Vyrn: You're kidding, right? Using mushrooms that you've never seen before!
Lyria: Umm... You were harvesting mushrooms this afternoon, weren't you? Oh no, not in this food too...
Vyrn: H-hey! No! Don't tell me!
With Ludmila's laughing ringing in the air, (Captain) and the crew's faces begin to turn a peculiar blueberry shade of purple.
Ludmila, foolhardy connoisseur of fine fungi.
Her condition would only improve upon dealing with her habit. Probably.