Scenario:Lulou Holou - Terrifying Incompetence
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Terrifying Incompetence
Though initially given a warm welcome by her abductors, Lulou Holou eventually remembers that she had been kidnapped and begins to laugh. A mysterious fixer arrives and is delighted to reunite with her, but Lulou Holou does not recall who the man is.
Lulou Holou: Munch, munch... The lot of you have quite the taste in snacks. To think you'd prepare something this delicious for me! Hehe...
Lulou Holou: Oh? But I must ask—why the warm welcome? I thought you meant to kidnap me...
Lulou Holou: Ah, this reminds me of the time we abducted Tyra! Ahaha!
Lulou Holou: How amusing! My tea tastes even better now!
Ruffian 1: Sh-she has zero survival instincts...
Ruffian 2: Our orders were to treat her like a guest, but... is this lady really worth that much?
Ruffian 1: Beats me. Looks like a bumbling idiot, if you ask me...
Lulou Holou: Hmph, I can hear you bad-mouthing me, you know! Not that I intend on denying your claims—you're very much right...
Lulou Holou: I am, after all, utterly incompetent! Hehehe!
Ruffian 1: Seriously, what's her deal? And why the heck do we need a wacko like her...
???: Because that wacko you speak of is incredibly valuable.
Ruffian 1: B-Boss!
???: How many times must I tell you? You are to treat our dear guest with the utmost respect. I won't forgive any misdirected slander.
A mysterious man walks into the room, then claps his hands together once.
Suddenly, the floor beneath the ruffian who had called Lulou Holou an idiot opens up, sending him tumbling into the dark hole.
Ruffian 1: Whapyaaah!
Lulou Holou: ...
Lulou Holou: Ahahahahahaha! "Whapyah"? What kind of scream is that?
Ruffian 2: Someone just fell... and you're laughing?
Lulou Holou: Who wouldn't at such a humorous sight? Haha... Hehehehe...
???: As self-indulgent as ever, I see... You haven't changed in the slightest, Miss Lulou.
Lulou Holou: Hm? And you are...
Lulou Holou: ...?
Lulou Holou: Ah... Um... I-I suppose it's been a while... right? Hrm... I can't quite seem to recall who you are...
Lulou Holou: My sincerest apologies. I will admit, the way you killed that poor man was most entertaining, but... I have no interest in people who fail to amuse me...
Lulou Holou: Which is why I immediately forget about them. So, um... Let's see... Who might you be?
???: Y-you don't remember who I am? Really?
Ruffian 2: Th-this person is our boss—the infamous fixer of the business world! Do you seriously not know him?
Lulou Holou: I really am sorry... You look familiar... Although on second thought, maybe not...
???: Hrgh... Th-that's fine... I'll simply have to remind you...
Lulou Holou: Yes, let's get to know one another! Come, have a seat.
Lulou Holou: The tea's getting cold.
Elsewhere, Tyra and the others learn that Lulou Holou had boarded a mysterious airship together with a suspicious group.
Although the ship had already taken off, the crew guesses its location and promptly gives chase.
Tyra: Sniffle... Lulou... This has to be that fixer everyone's been talking about...
Lyria: That fixer?
Tyra: It's a rumor among the different businesses and merchants. They say getting involved with the fixer will ruin you.
Tyra: They'll do anything for their own gain, no matter how evil... What if Lulou's their next target? Sniffle...
Tyra: Recently, I heard that they've been secretly buying out all their competition...
Tyra: Anyone who tries to go against them is immediately fired. Word on the street is that they've been breaking a bunch of laws...
Lyria: Th-that does sound scary... But it's just a rumor, right?
Tyra: Yeah... B-but... now that I think about it, there's this one guy I suspect might be the fixer...
Tyra: Not too long ago, someone actually stopped by my office and tried to buy us out.
Tyra: He told me... that I'm not cut out to be president and offered to acquire the company.
Vyrn: The heck? Talk about disrespectful.
Tyra: Uh-huh... I just sent him away, but after a while, he came back to negotiate some more.
Tyra: He asked that I sell him the company, as if I didn't say no already... And this time, he even made other demands, like making Lulou president again.
Tyra: Well, to be honest, I didn't mind that last point, but Lulou was super against it.
Lulou Holou: That won't do! The absolute gall! The party asking to buy us out shouldn't be making one-sided demands. Don't even entertain such a ridiculous offer!
Lulou Holou: Besides, does he not know the extent of my wealth and incompetence? How dare he suggest something so outrageous!
Vyrn: Wow... I didn't know Lulou could be so reasonable...
Tyra: So I threatened the guy with my Tyrannosauruses and told him to never come back.
Tyra: Thinking back, Lulou might've been his goal from the very start...
Tyra: He probably hasn't given up yet, which is why I'm positive he's got something to do with this kidnapping...
Tyra: I mean, you know Lulou... It only makes sense for someone as wealthy as her to be the target of a greedy fixer...
Lyria: Hrm... I see why you're worried... We have to go save her...
Vyrn: Guess it makes sense for a lady as well-off as her to be abducted. How'd she get so filthy rich anyway?
Vyrn: I mean, she's super incompetent—even admits to it herself... It's hard to imagine her turnin' any kind of profit.
Perplexed, (Captain) and Vyrn tilt their heads in confusion.
Terrifying Incompetence: Scene 2
The crew heads to the mysterious fixer's location upon hearing Tyra's suspicions on the person who abducted Lulou Holou. Meanwhile, the fixer in question attempts to coax Lulou Holou to join his cause, but when he mentions Tyra and (Captain), her smile disappears.
Contrary to the crew's beliefs, Lulou Holou is thoroughly enjoying her captivity.
Lulou Holou: Aaah! Yes, that's it! Right there!
Lulou Holou: A bit more gently... Haha... Hehehe... Now you're being too gentle! Hey, that tickles!
She nearly convulses in pleasure as her abductors massage her shoulders and feet.
Lulou Holou: Mm... Phew! Another cup of tea, please!
Mysterious Fixer: Haha, I'll prepare some for you at once. But before I do, I'd like to talk business. I've already introduced myself, after all.
Lulou Holou: Um... You have?
Mysterious Fixer: I've told you who I am ten times now...
Lulou Holou: Then you're wasting your time. I probably won't ever remember—not when you're such a boring individual.
Mysterious Fixer: H-hrgh... Fine, I'll admit I'm not very interesting at the moment. But I can change that!
Lulou Holou: Oh?
Mysterious Fixer: Allow me to get straight to the point. I'd like you to join my company. We'll do all sorts of amusing things together.
Mysterious Fixer: For you, I'll fill these skies with the entertainment of your dreams.
Lulou Holou: Hmmm? Do you have any examples?
Mysterious Fixer: Let's develop a drug that turns people's heads into explosives. Every day will be a fireworks festival.
Lulou Holou: ...!
Th-that...
Th-that...
Lulou Holou: That sounds delightful!
Ruffian 2: (U-um...)
Mysterious Fixer: We'll also try flooding the market with counterfeit gold and red steel bricks, ruining business for the forges that produce them...
Lulou Holou: Ooh, that would be fun!
Mysterious Fixer: We'll use corporate espionage to bankrupt our rivals, turning their own employees against them and making an example out of those who fail to comply...
Lulou Holou: Oh my! How incredibly exciting! There's nothing I love more than spreading chaos!
Ruffian 2: (Sh-she's insane... How is any of that entertaining? Honestly, what's the lady's deal?)
Lulou Holou: Excellent! Simply marvelous! You've piqued my interest!
Lulou Holou: Hehehe... But hold on. The fact that you're asking me to join your company means you want something from me.
Lulou Holou: You're after my money, aren't you? I'm completely incompetent, so that's about all I'm good for.
Mysterious Fixer: Goodness, no! While your financial backing would be greatly appreciated, there's actually something only you can do, Miss Lulou!
Mysterious Fixer: I'd like for you to replace that child you call Tyra and once again assume your position as president of DinoSmile, Inc.
Lulou Holou: Oh? And why is that?
Mysterious Fixer: The company only grew to be as successful as it is under your guidance, no? It's only natural that you return to the helm.
Mysterious Fixer: If Tyra stands in your way, simply crush her in whatever manner you find most satisfying!
Mysterious Fixer: It would also be wonderful if you used your charm to turn (Captain)'s crew of skyfarers against her...
Mysterious Fixer: By all means, I'd love to have them join our cause. Alternatively, I wouldn't mind crushing them alongside Tyra.
Lulou Holou: I see you've done your research. I take it that you're the gracious individual who offered to buy us out—is that right?
Mysterious Fixer: Correct. I was under the impression that your seat was usurped in some unfortunate incident...
Mysterious Fixer: But Tyra, the willful brat she is, simply refused to negotiate...
Lulou Holou: Hmmm... Is that so...
Mysterious Fixer: However, none of that will matter with you by my side! You'll take back your place as president, then—
Lulou Holou: Pardon me.
Lulou Holou: Do I look entertained to you now?
Mysterious Fixer: Huh? Um...
Lulou Holou: I think I remember why you're so irredeemably dull.
Lulou Holou: I believe we're enemies.
Mysterious Fixer: Wha! N-n-no, you couldn't be further from the truth! D-did I do something to offend you? If so, I shall apologize at once!
Mysterious Fixer: If you'd like a specific plan to get rid of Tyra, I'll prepare one imme—
Lulou Holou: That right there. How utterly distasteful.
Lulou Holou: Not only are you trying to harm Tyra, but (Captain) as well.
Lulou Holou: Listen closely... I really couldn't care less about how many boring individuals die—as long as I'm having fun.
Lulou Holou: But causing harm to my friends? There's nothing I find less entertaining. It's incredibly boring! The absolute worst!
Lulou Holou: I'll be taking my leave. Thank you for the tea and snacks—as well the massage, um...
Lulou Holou: It appears I've forgotten your name. Oh well. Goodbye then.
Mysterious Fixer: W-wait! Miss Lulou! Miss Lulooou!
Wh-why...
Wh-why...
Mysterious Fixer: Why does she refuse to see me as an ally... After all I did to fit her twisted morals!
Mysterious Fixer: Quit standing around, you idiots! Retrieve Lulou at once! But treat her kindly! No disrespect!
Ruffian 2: Hold on, Boss! Why are you so obsessed with that crazy woman?
Mysterious Fixer: Do you fools have any idea how Lulou became rich? Listen up! That lady is...
Tyra: She's bizarrely lucky. It's like she's some sort of money magnet. One time...
Lulou Holou: This trinket I chanced upon turned out to be worth a fortune!
Lulou Holou: Oh, Tyraaa! Look at these pretty rocks I found! They were lying around over there.
Lulou Holou: Some gold and a few diamonds... Ah, there's even a gold brick! How amusing! Hehehehe...
Vyrn: Wait a second! None of that makes any sense!
Tyra: Yeah, you're right. It doesn't... The thing about her insane luck is it's not just for her...
Tyra: The employees she likes become super successful, and the ones she hates go bankrupt...
Tyra: Ah... Come to think of it, there was this one company that talked smack about her and ended up getting destroyed by a random meteorite.
Lyria: Wh-what?
Hearing Tyra's outlandish explanation, Vyrn leans in and whispers to Lyria and (Captain).
Vyrn: Hey, Tyra mentioned a mysterious fixer who brought about ruin, right?
Vyrn: If what she said is true, Lulou's weird luck might have something to do with it...
Lyria: M-maybe... But it's hard to say for sure...
Tyra: Tyra?
Mysterious Fixer: Miss Lulou! I ask that you allow me one more chance! Please, return to your room!
Ruffian 2: You'll be fine here. Besides, we're really high up in the skies. There's nowhere for you to run.
Lulou Holou: Oh, right... Now that you mention it, you did whisk me away on an airship. What to do...
Lulou Holou: ...!
Ruffian 1: Whapyaaah!
Lulou Holou: That reminds me... I've never tried bungee jumping without a harness!
Lulou Holou: That sounds wonderfully entertaining! Whoopsie!
Ruffian 2: No way... She really jumped... The lady's actually insane...
Mysterious Fixer: A-ah... Aaaah... It's over... I'm done for...
Terrifying Incompetence: Scene 3
The panicked fixer explains to his underlings how Lulou Holou's mere presence would bless her friends and doom her foes. Immediately thereafter, the abductors' airship randomly explodes—the first in a series of coincidences leading to Lulou Holou's inexplicable rescue. Finally, (Captain) vows to never get on her bad side.
Although Lulou Holou had initially leapt with a confident smile, the Harvin's joy quickly turns to regret.
Lulou Holou: This is far scarier than I imagiiined! It's not amusing at aaall!
Lulou Holou: Hyaaah!
Mysterious Fixer: We're done for... We lost the gamble... It's all over...
Ruffian 2: I-I'm sure everything will be fine. We may have lost a key investor, but...
Mysterious Fixer: No! I couldn't care less about her money! That's not what makes Lulou special!
Mysterious Fixer: It's her consistency... The thing about luck is... it always balances out. If you're blessed with prosperity, tragedy will eventually follow.
Mysterious Fixer: Do you understand what I'm getting at? That's what it means to be a mortal. That is our fate! But not Lulou. She's the one exception to that universal constant.
Ruffian 2: Huh? Wh-what are you talking—
Suddenly, an explosion rocks the airship.
Ruffian 2: Wh-what was that? H-hey! What's going on?
Mysterious Fixer: Hah... Haha... I knew this would happen... I was doomed from the very moment I dared lay my hands on Lulou's company...
Mysterious Fixer: I tried to save myself... by convincing Lulou to join me... but it was all for naught... Hahaha...
Mysterious Fixer: Aha... Hahaha! This is the end! We messed with the wrong person—the one true fixer!
As Lulou Holou plummets through the sky, she hears a loud blast ringing throughout the air around her.
By sheer coincidence, the falling airship crashes onto Amalthea Island, where the Crew of Enforcers is currently stationed.
Lulou Holou: Oh? Hehehe... Would you look at that? I guess jumping off was the right call!
Lulou Holou: Even if they somehow make it out alive, they'll get arrested on the spot, considering all the bad things they did!
Lulou Holou: Hehehe... Hahahaha! How entertaining! Aha... Ahahahaha...
Lulou Holou: ...
Lulou Holou: Hyeeehn! I forgot I'm still falling!
Tears rolling down her face, Lulou Holou flaps her arms about in an attempt to rectify the situation.
In that moment, a stray gust of wind blows her in a new direction.
Lulou Holou: Whyaaah!
Then, Lulou Holou just so happens to spot a familiar-looking airship cruising nearby.
Lulou Holou: W-wait! That airship... Is it what I think it is?
Lyria: U-um... I wonder what that explosion was...
Tyra: N-no way... Don't tell me the airship carrying Lulou blew up!
Vyrn: Y-you're overthinkin' things... It's way too soon to—
Lulou Holou: Hyaaah!
Tyra: Tyra? Th-that sounds like Lulou! But where is she?
Where are you, Lulooou?
Where are you, Lulooou?
Lulou Holou: U-up heeere! Somebody save meee!
Vyrn: Huh?
(Captain) looks up in the voice's direction and immediately notices Lulou Holou hurtling toward the airship.
Tyra: Lulooou! Y-you're all right!
Tyra: B-but you're falling so fast...
Before the crew can act, the Harvin suddenly disappears from their view.
Lulou Holou: Mmph!
Lulou Holou randomly collides with the Grandcypher's sails and gently tumbles toward the deck.
Finally, defying all odds, she lands right in (Captain)'s arms.
Lulou Holou: I-I'm alive! Hurray! I owe you my life, (Captain)!
Lulou Holou: Hnnngh!
Choose: Is it raining Lulous today?
Vyrn: N-no clue... What's even goin' on?
Lyria: U-uh... Let's check up on Lulou first!
A-are you all right?
A-are you all right?
Lulou Holou: I feel perfectly fine—amazing, in fact! Hup!
Vyrn: T-true that, but... Gosh, I don't even know where to start...
Tyra: Who cares about what happened! Groooar! All that matters is Lulou's okay!
Tyra: Are you hurt anywhere? They didn't do anything mean to you, did they?
Lulou Holou: Waaah! Tyraaa! Much to my surprise, I'm perfectly fine!
Continue 1
Vyrn: A-anyway... Hm?
Vyrn: Aaagh! What's all this stuff fallin' from sky?
Vyrn lets out a startled shout as a barrage of small hard objects showers down from the sky.
Lyria: Th-these... look like treasure chests and money bags?
Lulou Holou: Wow! A trove of treasure! How lucky!
Lulou Holou: If I had to guess... Um... Let's see... This probably has something to do with that fixer whose name I forgot!
Tyra: Huh? So you really were kidnapped by that rumored fixer!
Lulou Holou: I suppose... I was?
Vyrn: How do you not know...
Lulou Holou: Because I don't remember! That man was unbelievably dull!
Lulou Holou: It's like... How should I put this... I only recall him saying the most boring things!
Lulou Holou: I wanted to get away from those people as soon as possible, so I jumped off their airship...
Lulou Holou: And then it randomly exploded! Do you not find that delightfully amusing? Hehehe!
Lyria: Is it supposed to be?
Lulou Holou: I myself was thoroughly entertained! Hehehe... Ahaha! Ahahahahaha!
Tyra: I still don't know what happened, but I'm glad you're safe... You really worried me... Sniffle...
Lulou Holou: D-don't cry, Tyra... I'm sorry...
Tyra: You should be! Next time, I swear I'm sending security guards with you—pinky promise!
Lulou Holou: Whaaat? But that sounds so suffocating... Not to mention boring...
Tyra: Lulou...
Lulou Holou: Eep... Ah, I know! I'll have (Captain) be my personal bodyguard!
Lulou Holou: That way, I'll be safe and have fun! Yes, we'll go with that! Hooray!
Vyrn: Since when did you call the shots... Besides...
Nodding along with Vyrn, (Captain) takes a moment to think back on a certain unanswered question.
Vyrn: Hey, Tyra mentioned a mysterious fixer who brought about ruin, right?
Lyria: Um, Lulou... Have you ever been called a fixer before?
Lulou Holou: What's that? I can't say I have. At least not to my knowledge.
Lulou Holou: Anyway, enough about that. Look at all this treasure we found! Let's go shopping!
Lyria: Huh? But this isn't ours...
Lulou Holou: I'll have you know, this is dirty money—so we're free to use it as we please! I say we spend it on some entertainment!
Lulou Holou: If you won't, I will—by investing in you all!
Lulou Holou: How's that for a nice idea? Hehehe... Ahaha! Oh, this is so much fun!
Still holding Lulou Holou, (Captain) looks at her, then at the pile of money, then back at the Harvin again.
Hoping to avoid any tragedies, the captain then makes a mental note to never get on her bad side.