Scenario:Lowain and Yngwie - Il Sole Mio

Il Sole Mio

While Lowain, Elsam, and Tomoi are out for a drink, Yngwie happens to show up with a girl they were previously fawning over. Yngwie agrees to take the awestruck boys under his wing, and they soon see the full extent of his abilities.

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The crew docks the ship for a night of rest and relaxation.

Lowain: Bwahaha! I think tonight calls for another round of brewskies, my broskies!

Together: Bottoms up!

After loading up on supplies, Lowain, Elsam, and Tomoi waste no time visiting the local bar.

Lowain: Heheh! Did you get a load of the waitress at the last place? I'm tellin' you, she was the bomb, dude!

Elsam: I know, right? I tried giving her my contact info but got totally denied.

Tomoi: That's rough, man. So, wait. You thinkin' about jumping ship from the SS Kat?

Lowain: Tommy boy, please. I've only got eyes for Kat. That waitress of yours is out of sight. As in: I can't see her, bro.

Elsam: No way. No freakin' way. You were into her too, man!

Lowain: Sammy. I acknowledge that waitress of yours was smoking. Crispy. Possibly even rotisserie.

Lowain: But Kat, bro... She's got a vice grip on my heart!

Elsam: Got that right.

Tomoi: Got that right.

Together: Got that right.

Lowain: Ready or not... here I come, Kat!

Lowain and his squad are living it up as usual when they hear the signature sound of the door chime. A new customer?

Yngwie: Heh. Doesn't matter where I go. There's always a quaint little watering hole for me to call home.

Lowain: Hold on. Is that Uncle Ingy? We gotta say hi to—

Lowain starts to get up when he notices the beautiful woman Yngwie's escorting into the bar.

Lowain: Gwah!

???: Tee hee... It's an honor to be in the company of a legend like yourself, Yngwie.

Yngwie: Bravo, baby. Our rendezvous was inevitable. And tonight... you'll understand that completely. Body and soul.

???: Oh, Yngwie...

Yngwie's blushing companion is none other than the waitress Lowain and friends had fallen head over heels for just moments earlier.

Lowain: Huh? Wait a sec! We just got into town, and you already scored her?

Tomoi: Whoa! That's crazy! Uncle Ingy is a true bro!

Elsam: Hoo boy! That is out. Of. Control. Mad props to you, Uncle Ingy. Respect.

Together: Got that right!

Lowain: So, uh. Bros. We can't mess with this, right? Let's... go home?

Elsam: Ha ha! I mean... Seriously...

Tomoi: Break!

Lowain's squad silently slips out of the bar in order to give Yngwie room to breathe.

Yngwie: (Heh... Grazie, boys.)

Yngwie winks in the squad's general direction, piercing Lowain, Elsam, and Tomoi's hearts instantly.

Elsam: Urk!

Tomoi: Agh!

Lowain: Hrg!
(That was a serious wink! Legend-class! I think I'm... melting down!)

Lowain's squad now fully understands Yngwie's majesty and returns to the ship to sleep off the excitement.

Lowain, Elsam, and Tomoi are scrubbing the deck the following morning when Yngwie returns from town.

Lowain: Sup, Yngwie! Bet you had the time of your life last night, huh?

Yngwie: Howdy, boys. Been scrubbing the deck all morning? Don't work too hard now.

Lowain: Right on! Oh, and... we just wanted to say that we, uh, have mad respect for you, Ingy.

Lowain: Is it... cool if we call you Uncle Ingy from now on?

Yngwie: Hrm. We're all on equal footing as crewmates, so... sure. Whatever you like.

Together: Radical!

Yngwie: Good grief... Bet you want to know how I met her, don't you?

Yngwie: Unfortunately for the three of you, that's a secret that only she and I will ever know. Everything else, on the other hand, is open information.

Yngwie: After I take a little nap of course. I need one after last night.

Lowain: Whoa. Whoa. Uncle Ingy's so cool, I'm not sure I can feel my extremities...

Together: Got that right.

Yngwie heads back to his room with an aura of impenetrable coolness. Lowain, Tomoi, and Elsam can only look on with tearful eyes.

That night... Lowain's squad heads back to the bar to receive Yngwie's benediction.

Together: Radical!

Lowain: So basically... You've got one main squeeze per town, yeah?

Yngwie: That's right. No other way to do it.

Tomoi: Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa! This is seriously getting out of control!

Elsam: Full speed ahead!

Each of Yngwie's tales leads Lowain's squad deeper into his thrall. And then the door chime rings again.

Pretty Girl 1: Excuse me... Is a Mr. Yngwie present?

Pretty Girl 2: Sorry to barge in, but has anyone seen a handsome man come through here? His name's Yngwie.

Pretty Girl 3: Hey! Yngwie's in here, ain't he?

A group of beautiful women enters the bar, and they all ask for Yngwie.

Lowain: Whoa! Surprise special babefest! This is nuts. Seriously nuts!

Lowain: Call this a hunch, but, like, are they all Ingy's? Looks like twelve of 'em! A baber's dozen!

Elsam: Lowain. Think about it. This place is about to turn into a battlefield, bro!

Yngwie: Calm down now. No need to push, dears. Welcome to Port Breeze's finest—

Without a moment's hesitation, Yngwie asks each of the women for their names and hometowns.

Pretty Girl 1: Well... I heard that Yngwie was staying here, and I was travelling through the area, so...

Pretty Girl 2: Same here. I'm here to visit family, and I heard you were here.

Pretty Girl 3: Tee hee hee... Sounds like my situation. No worries, though. I came here of my own free will!

The girls stress that they've carefully followed Yngwie's special rules of engagement.

And they all explain—in breathless, rapturous detail—just how much they wanted to see Yngwie again.

Lowain: Heh heh! They'd walk right off the side of an island for you, Ingy!

Yngwie: Ha ha... Another little quirk of fate, this.

Lowain: Dang! You're totally stone-faced? Even now? You're a freakin' iceberg, man!

Together: Got that right!

Yngwie: I'm overjoyed to reunite with all of you again, of course. However... I'm afraid this is as far as we go.

Yngwie: I don't want to cause any undue heartache for my woman in this town. You understand, don't you?

Yngwie explains this with caring, loving honesty.

As things begin to wind down, he turns to the entrance and opens the door.

Waitress: Eek! Oh, I'm sorry... I just thought I might take a peek inside, and...

Yngwie: You came to get me? Tres bien!

Waitress: Huh?

Yngwie: This is my woman in this town, my radiant mademoiselles. You understand, yes?

Waitress: Oh, Yngwie...

With a small nod, Yngwie's harem smiles gently at the waitress.

Yngwie: That understanding is what makes you so wonderful. Next time... I'll come to visit all of you instead.

Yngwie: Which means this is arrivederci. When I dream... I'll be sending you all my love.

Lowain: Dudes! Ingy is, like, the freakin' god of romance! I don't get how he does it, but I... I...

Yngwie: Spare me. A man's tears are meaningless. Only a woman has the right to weep.

Yngwie: And I'm no god. Just a regular guy who's been this way and that.

Yngwie: I just have a little more... passion than most.

With these lofty words hanging in the air, Yngwie places his hand gently on the waitress's shoulder and leads her out of the bar.

One town. One woman. Yngwie lives by this rule. Embodies it.

All Lowain and his friends can do is look on in awe.

Lowain: I'm dying here! Bros! I don't think I've ever respected anyone as much as Uncle Ingy!

Tomoi: Oh? What about Kat?

Lowain: Tommy. You've seriously gotta think before you start talking, bro.

Together: Got that right.

Another day comes to an end, and with it, a new legend of Yngwie's exploits. Can Lowain's squad ever hope to get to his level? Only time will tell.