The Loveable Klutz
Our heroes soon found themselves in the midst of a hullabaloo caused by rabble rousing nun by the name of Lamretta.Both they and Lamretta were chased away. It seems our heroes had found themselves a new friend. Now they just needed to keep her out of trouble.
The party arrives in town, long after the more sensible among us would have been fast asleep.
Hoping to soothe their muttering stomaches, they headed toward the only lantern still lit. It belonged to a one-room tavern.
???: C'mon in, darlink!
Can you take an order, sister?
???: Comin' righ' up!
Vyrn: Wha? What's she doing? She's wobbling harder than jelly in an earthquake...
Vyrn: Wha?! Get away from me!
Shorry 'bout that!
Vyrn: Wha...don't you whoopsie-daisy me!
Who knows what's gonna happen with you stumbling around like that!
A li'l baby griffon!
I ain't your buddy, pal!
???: Bwahahaha! I ain't never sheen a shtuffed animal li' that!
Vyrn: Damnit! Who's a damned stuffed animal?! I got a name! It's Vyrn!
Lyria: Are you alright? You have a serious case of the jelly legs... i think you've had enough fun for tonight...
???: Hmm? The hell you say! I'm still rip, roarin', an' ready to go!
Tavern Owner: Hey! Lamretta! We got thirsty guests here! Yeesh. Try to remember that you work here, at least.
Lamretta: Why 'ello there, honeys!
Lyria: E-excuse me!
We were wondering if you had any food on the menu...
Lamretta: Haha! Sh'nooo problem, sweetie. I'll whip up a shoup sho good you'll wanna tell your momma about it.
Vyrn: Er...this place is full of weirdoes, (Captain)!
Perhaps Vyrn had spoken too soon. A gust of wind blew into the tavern as the door opened, along with a rough-looking man.
Rough Customer: Hey! I'm dyin' o' hunger here... just gimme something! Anything!
Lamretta: Comin' righ' up!
This...probably isn't good...
Rough Customer: Wha?! What d'you think you're doing?! You're carrying plates! Try not bumpin' into people!
Rough Customer: What?!
You some sort o' clown?!
Lamretta: Oh, I am shoooo shorry!
Tavern Owner: Oh, dear!! I'm terribly, terribly sorry, sir! I do hope you aren't hurt! Of course, your meal is on the house!
On the house, off the house! Who cares?!
Just gimme some food!
Yeesh...what the hell is up with that woman?
Lamretta: Of coursh! What're you havin'?!
Lyria: She's, um...certainly got a big personality...
Vyrn: I don't like how this is going...
Rough Customer: Hey! I could eat a horse! Hurry up and get me something, will ya?!
Tavern Owner: Eek! Yes, sir! Right away, sir! Lamretta... take this soup to the customer over there...
Lamretta took the soup in a clumsy pair of hands and proceeded to wobble on over to the table.
Lamretta: And theeeeere you go!
Drink it up and drink shome more!
Lyria: Er...what is this?
What are you up to?!
That's soup. MY soup!
Lamretta: Wait your turn, bird...the girl here ordered firsht!
You think you can take me?
Bring it on!!!
Tavern Owner: Oh, no...no, no, no...
Vyrn: What should we do? Don't think this is a great time to chow down, (Captain)...
Choose: He can have my soup
- He can have my soup
- This calls for a mediator
Vyrn: Fine...whatever it takes to make the dude feel better...Choose: This calls for a mediator
Vyrn: Sounds good!
No telling what that dude's gonna do to her!Continue 1
Lyria: You can't!
You can't fight here!
Rough Customer: What'd you say to me!? You keep your mouth shut unless you want a piece first! Hmm?
Vyrn: Lyria! (Captain)! We gotta help her!
Lamretta: Hallowed spirits, far below...forgive him his transgression...
Rough Customer: What?!
Whaddayou think you're whispering?!
Lamretta: Grant me strength, o earth...so none may walk in sin...
Rough Customer: Wha...is that a chant?!
Lamretta: Shattered Earsh!
Rough Customer: ...
Vyrn: Wha? The chant won't work if you can't even pronounce it right, dummy!
Don'tcha think you're forgetting something?
How dare you!
Vyrn: Waugh! (Captain)! She needs help!
Rough Customer: Urk!
Vyrn: Whew...getting hit with a bottle. that's gonna leave a lump...
And so the problem was solved. Of course, hitting your clientele with a bottle is never a good business decision. Lamretta was out of a job.
Mistaken for troublemakers, (Captain) and company also found themselves out in the cold.
Lamretta: Whoooo! Talk about yer good timesh! Waitaminnit... Glad I grabbed one fer the road! Glug glug... whoo!
Lyria: You're amazing!
You sure took care of that guy! And you looked so cool doing it!
Vyrn: Hear, hear! One hit and he was out cold! But, uh... couldn't you have done that in the first place? Why mess around with the hocus-pocus?
Lamretta: Bwahahaha. Don' you worry yer pretty li'l head... glug... ah.
Vyrn: Wow, that's amazing!
You're a real hard hitter, eh?
Lyria: But...now you don't have a job. It's all my fault...
Vyrn: I wouldn't say we got her into trouble...more like the trouble found us. And I'm still starving, come to think of it...
Lyria: Oooh...my tummy's grumbling, too...
Vyrn: Man...I sure could go for a nice, juicy apple...
Lamretta: Wahahahah! How about this?!
C-can I, uh...have one?
Lamretta: Ah, lovely apples...The tavern mashter grows 'em by the boatload. Makesh a sine fider...and a pretty good farewell gift.
Vyrn: Thanks, sister!
Lyria: Thank you so much! Wait? Excuse me! Miss!
Lamretta: Zzzzzz! Snrrkt!
Lamretta had already drifted into a deep sleep, her snoring loud as a buzzsaw.
Vyrn: Wait...you gotta be kidding me...
Lyria: You can't sleep there! Miss! Wake up! The monsters are going to get you!
Lamretta: Mmf...no more partyin' fer me...
Lyria: This is no good...can you stand up?
One, two....oof! Heavy, aren't you...
Vyrn: Oh, fine!
(Captain)! Help Lyria carry her!
Lamretta: Heehee...that'sh a thank you to you, Mr. Griffon...
Vyrn: I told you...oh, what's the damn use. She's a hassle and a half, isn't she?
And so the fun-loving nun Lamretta joined the fold.
Though the party had no way of knowing what sort of trouble she'd bring down on them next.
As a village of drunkards, Lamretta participates in a drinking contest. Lamretta falls in love with one of the contestants, Lucian. In order to defend his pride, she tries to forfeit the match, but suddenly monsters interfere.
By Lamretta’s request, the party heads to a brewery village said to be the mecca for wine lovers.
The party enjoyed various kinds of local wine. As they head to the middle of the village, they see a heaving mass of people there.
MC: Welcome! Welcome! To all our wine-loving friends! Would you like to participate in the drinking contest?
Lamretta: Bweh? Drinky...?
MC: Hey! You’re real drunk! If you pay the 10,000 rupies fee to join, you can drink all the great local brews all you want!
Lamretta: What!? (Captain)! I want to join the contest!
Vyrn: Come on... Haven’t you had enough? You still want to drink more?
MC: Come on! If you win the contest, the prize is 1 million rupies! You get to drink and get money for it! That’s a great deal!
Lamretta: Contest! (Captain)! Please!
Vyrn: Hmm... I have a bad feeling about this... But what do you want to do? (Captain)?
Choose: Oh, fine. Sure.
- Oh, fine. Sure.
- I’m worried you might drink too much.
Lamretta: (Captain)! Love you! Squeeze!Choose: I’m worried you might drink too much.
Lamretta: S’okay! S’okay! I’m not drunk! I can recite all the magic!
Lamretta: Spirits of the earth...Continue 1
Vyrn: Whoa! Okay, okay! We’re joining! I’m okay with us joining!
MC: Ahaha! Good luck, lady!
Lamretta, being the only woman among the brawny drunkards, joins the contest.
With the signal of the MC, all of the contestants begins downing their cup.
Lamretta: Mmrm! Bring me more! More! Gulp! Gulp! Phew!
As more people pass out and are out of the contest, Lamretta, a slim Erune man, and a brawny Draph are the last three remaining.
Lamretta: Glug glug... Whew! Glug glug... Whew! This is paradise!
MC: Whoo! A beauty of the Draph! The Bacchanalian Nun, Lamretta, downs another!
???: Phew... Looks like everyone is passed out. Bring me more, please.
MC: Wow! The slim Erune man! The handsome Lucian is not stopping either!
???: Huff... Huff... These guys are monsters!
MC: What?! The crowd favorite, Draph...! Gaba the drinker is showing signs of pain! This is an unexpected development!
Lamretta: Glug glug... Whew! Glug glug... Whew!
Lucian: Hmm. Not bad. That woman...
Gaba: Gah! @#$%^!
MC: Whoa! Who'd have thought! Gaba is out of the running! Who could have expected this?!
Lamretta: Aww, that’s no good. You’re wasting the great wine!
Lucian: Sigh... You look scruffy and you have no etiquette when you drink.
MC: Wow! This will be a duel between Lamretta and Lucian!
Lyria: Good luck! Lammie!
Neither side is yielding in this drinking battle. With Lamretta’s bottomless stomach, the contest is running out of wine.
Lamretta: Not bad! You’re the first human that can rival me with drinking!
Lucian: Ugh... What is going on with your body?
Lamretta: This is getting fun! I’ve had this much fun drinking!
Lucian: Gah... You’re enjoying this situation?! (My stomach is full... At this rate, I’ll suffer an embarrassing defeat... )
Vyrn: Keep it up! Go! Lamretta! Your opponent is scowling!
Lamretta: Hehehe. You’re not good enough yet! You’re still too inexperienced to be competing against...
Lamretta: (W...! What?! He’s actually just my type! And he can hold his wine so well... )
Lucian: Damn... Will I lose...? (Oh, no... Another drop and my stomach will explode. It’s already coming up my throat... )
Lamretta: Ooh... I’m starting to feel drunk all of a sudden! (Someone once told me drunk girls are cute!)
Vyrn: What happened to you?! Lamretta! Why aren’t you drinking?!
Lamretta: I’m sorry, everyone... I’m going to find my own happiness here...
Lamretta: (If I stamp out his pride here, my budding love won't have a chance!)
Vyrn: What’s going on here? She’s been acting weird.
Lamretta: I... I give u?
In order to win over Lucian’s heart, Lamretta is about to forfeit the match. But in the next instant...!
MC: Ahhhhh! M-Monsters! Runaway!
Vyrn: What? You could have won! (Captain)! Let’s deal with the monsters!
Feeling Tingly: Scene 2
In order to gain information on Lucian, (Captain) and party take a capture request on the wine thieves. They find the hideout of the wine thieves, but there, they find the MC of the contest and Lucian, which they thought was kidnapped.
With the attack of the monsters, the contest is cancelled. Lucian is kidnapped by the monsters along with the prize money.
MC: I... didn’t think monsters would attack the village...
Lamretta: After the monsters! We have to go help him!
Vyrn: But c'mon! You’re talking about helping him, but we don’t even know where he is.
Lyria: Hm... Let’s go ask Siero about this.
MC: Thank you... I’m in your debt. Please defeat the monsters and save the customers!
Lamretta: Leave it to me! You just wait here!
Sierokarte: This is certainly a problem. Robbery and kidnapping? Let me use my connections. But in exchange...
Siero brings the party a request to capture the wine thieves that were causing trouble around here in exchange for information.
Lamretta: Mmrm... My darling is in danger even now.
Vyrn: What the? When did you two get close? And if you make noise, the thieves will notice!
Lyria: Shh! Someone’s here.
Suspicious Man: ...
A suspicious man appears before the party. With practiced movements, he stacks up the wine from the brewery onto a cart.
Lamretta: Let’s go catch him!
Vyrn: W-Wait! The plan is to find their hideout and then capture all of them!
Lyria: Ah! He’s going somewhere!
The suspicious man who is stealing the wine heads into a cave deep in the forest. The party quietly tracks him.
Suspicious Man: Hey! Here’s what I promised you.
???: Ah! Good work. You sure no one saw you?
Suspicious Man: Exactly. Everything is going as planned.
Vyrn: Hm? I know that guy from somewhere...
MC: Hahaha! Who knew we could make so much money with stolen wine...
Lucian: Hehehe... Tell me about it. If it weren’t for that weird woman, we wouldn’t have needed to gather more wine.
MC: Exactly. But the monsters attacked at the right time.
Lucian: You saved me back there... Now let’s make some more money at the next town.
Vyrn: Hey! You guys were in on this together?!
Lamretta: Hold on! We’re not done yet!
Lyria: W-Whoa! Vyrn and Lammie, you have to wait!
MC: What?! You people! What are you doing here?!
Lucian: Whoa! You’re that stupid drunkard woman! Tch! We have to get out of here!
Vyrn: Damnit! They’re getting away! (Captain)! Defeat the monsters and go after them!
Feeling Tingly: Scene 3
(Captain) and company capture the wine thieves, but Lucian escapes. The party gets information from the MC of where Lucian is hiding. Lucian tries to escape, but the party gets between him and the airship in the nick of time.
After defeating the monsters, the party captures the MC and the suspicious man. But at the last moment, they let Lucian escape.
After finding out where Lucian has escaped to, the party begins to interrogate them.
Vyrn: Hey, you! Hurry up and tell us where he’s hiding!
Suspicious Man: Ugh... I don’t know anything. I’ve never met them anywhere but in this cave.
Lamretta: Cough up where Lucian is!
MC: Hehehe... I don’t know. Even if I did, I wouldn’t cough it up.
Vyrn: Why you...! We’re asking nicely and you treat us like this?!
Lamretta: Tell us where Lucian... I don’t feel so good...
Lyria: Are you okay? Lammie, you look a bit pale.
Lamretta: Luci... I’m gonna barf...
Lyria: T-This is bad! Lammie is about to vomit!
MC: Eek! You gotta be kidding me! Not on top of me, please...
Lamretta: I’m gonna barf...
MC: Eeeeeek! I’ll barf up everything! I mean, I’ll tell you everything! I’ll tell you where Lucian is!
Vyrn: Hmph! Serves you right.
The party learns of where Lucian is hiding from the MC, and they quickly head to Lucian’s airship.
Vyrn: Whoa! His airship is departing!
Lamretta: Hold it! You will pay for toying with the pure heart of a maiden!
Lucian: Gah...! What are you talking about?!
The party manages to stop Lucian’s airship from departing.
Vyrn: Hold it! You’re not getting away!
Lamretta: Wow! The wind feels so nice. I can feel it go down my dress!
Lucian: What’s with these people? They’re so persistent! They’ll be your opponents!
Feeling Tingly: Scene 4
After capturing Lucian and the wine thieves, (Captain) and party have solved the incident. Lamretta tells Lucian of her feelings, but he rejects her. The party consoles Lamretta over some more wine.
After capturing Lucian, the party heads back to Siero with the mastermind in their custody.
Sierokarte: Hi! Did you catch the wine thieves?
Vyrn: Haha! Not just the wine thieves! We solved the entire incident!
The party tells Siero of the full picture of the incident. Siero takes custody of Lucian and the thieves.
Sierokarte: Now then! I’ll be making my leave now!
Lamretta: Hold on! I have to talk to Lucian!
Lucian: Hm? What do you want?
Lamretta: I still can’t forget the taste of the wine we drank together... I...
Lamretta: I decided that I will only be with people who can drink as much as me!
Lucian: Huh? What are you talking about?
Lamretta: (Captain)... I’m sorry. I think it’s time that I left the skyfarers. I’m going to follow him.
Vyrn: Oh, no! But he’s a criminal!
Lamretta: I don’t care if he is! If I lose this chance, I don’t think I’ll ever find that special someone again!
Lyria: But...! I didn’t know you liked him so much, Lammie...
Lyria: I’m okay. I’m sure Lammie would be okay...
Vyrn: I don’t get it, but if you insist, you have our blessing!
Lucian: Hey... Can you not talk about this without me?
Lamretta: I’ll wait for you until you get out of jail!
Vyrn: Oh, no... She’s so faithful...
Lyria: It’s sad that we won’t get to see each other anymore... But I hope you’ll be happy.
Lamretta: Yes! Thanks! (Captain)... Thank you for everything. Our journey together was fun.
Lucian: Sigh... What’s with these people? This is scary how you’re completely ignoring me! And when did I say that I can hold my wine?
Lamretta: Huh? You were chugging it at the contest, weren’t you?
Lucian: Ahaha! You think anyone in this world can drink that much?
Lucian: That was just water! No one can drink that much without cheating.
Lucian: Anyway... I can’t drink a single drop. And I don’t want to be with some drunk woman either. Sorry, but you’ll have to ask someone else.
Sierokarte: Aww... I’m completely out of the loop, but this feels kind of awkward, so I’m leaving.
Vyrn: Umm... Well... You know! Stuff happens in life, right, Lyria?
Lyria: Yes! I’m sure you’ll find someone nice! Right, (Captain)?
Lamretta: Glug glug... Whew! Glug glug... Whew!
Lamretta’s unrequited love comes to a close.
It goes without saying that the party consoled Lamretta over some more wine later.
Why Four Art Thou, Lamretta?
Lamretta, Lamretta, Lamretta, and Lamretta have a fun-filled party, while (Captain) and others look on in amusement.
Lamretta: Thanks for showing up today, everyone!
Lammy: Of course! Nothin' better than enjoying a night with good friends and good drinks!
Rammy: You're not going home early this time, right? This party's just getting started!
Red: I think... I'm just... about done...
Rammy: Whoa, check out this party animal over here!
Lamretta: Haha, now things are getting fun!
Rammy: Hold on, are you going to just let her go off on her own?
Lamretta: Sure am! Sometimes you just gotta call it a night!
Lammy: Mmhm, best to get out early before you regret it!
Red: Huff... Wheeze... I think I'll... be okay...
Rammy: You sure? Don't overdo it, dear! You're not as young as you used to be!
Lamretta: Forget the details! Let's party!
Lammy: To forgetting bad memories!
Rammy: What did I just say, you two?
Red: Urk... Don't worry about me... You guys... keep going...
Rammy: Hmm... You sure you're okay, dear?
Lammy: So how've things been lately, Lamretta? You digging the new workplace?
Lamretta: Heheheh, best joint I've ever worked at!
Lammy: Wow, really? That's unexpected.
Lamretta: Heheh, Cap'n (Captain), Cat-alina, and Rack'em are the best bosses I've ever had!
Lamretta: Hee hee, everyone else on the ship's so nice, too!
Rammy: Now that you mention it, you've lasted longer there than anywhere else!
Lammy: Wahoo! Now there's a cause worthy of celebration!
Lamretta: Yup! I'm just gonna do my best to stick around until Cap'n (Captain) gets sick of me!
Lammy: Heheh, how could anyone not want to keep a charmer like you around, Lamretta?
Lamretta: Hoho! You really think so? Am I... beloved?
Rammy: You guys need to get your acts together and think about the future!
Lammy: Hee, the future's so bright, we gotta wear shades!
Lamretta: Hey, we ain't got time for all this future talk! Let's paaartay!
Lammy: So like, which one of the other crew members do you like the best?
Lamretta: Bwaaah? Why you bringing up something like that?
Lammy: Oh, please. You've got feelings for someone there! Why try to hide it?
Lamretta: Brgraah? Nope! Sure don't! Just precious friends, one and all!
Rammy: Hm? Do you hear something?
Red: Never mind guys, I... gotta bow out this time... For real...
Lamretta: You okay?
Red: I'm exhausted...
Red: Just need a little... time out...
Red: Water... Get me water...
Lamretta: Got it! I'll get water. The rest is up to you!
Lammy: Party overload...
Red: Sorry, guys...
Rammy: Hey, we're all in this together, right?
Red: I can see rainbows...
(Captain) and the others have been observing Lamretta's strange display from nearby.
Vyrn: Is she okay? She's been mumbling to herself for hours.
Katalina: Goodness... She's not causing trouble for anyone. At least for now.
Lyria: Hee hee, if something happens, Rackam and (Captain) will handle it!
Rackam: Aw, c'mon! Not on our day off! Right, (Captain)?
(Captain) simply answers Rackam's question with a huge grin.
From there, Lamretta continued her one-woman party well into the night.
Surprising no one, Rackam was eventually forced to eject her from the premises due to rowdy behavior.