Lowain and bros imagine a world where they fail to defeat Vira and her weapon of war, Lady Katapillar. Vira soon begins spreading annihilation across the skies. The bros make a tentative decision to remain deceased in dreamland, but postpone the end of the world.
Recall that great midday battle. The greatest battle never fought.
It lives in the hearts and minds of three brothers. They who so valiantly fought for the fictional fate of a fictitious world.
They who put their hypothetical lives on the imaginary line.
Vira: Welcome, welcome... I see you're still alive! And oh, if it isn't Farrah and the others too!
Farrah: Give us back Katalina! Otherwise we'll—
Vira: Never forgive me? Please resent me as much as you wish.
Vira: Katalina's company alone will make me complete. Ah, my Katalina—I'm going to give you a fresh start! We shall be together now and for all time!
Vira: Start by saying hello to everyone, dearie!
Katalina: Why did you come here...
Elsam: Dude, talk about a transformation!
Katalina: Lowain, don't look at me.
Vira: Heehee... Heeheehee... Finding this ruin was so fortuitous. To be able to turn someone into a weapon you can control... it's... perfect!
Vira: She moves where I want and says what I want to hear! The perfect Katalina, my Katapillar, has been born!
In a bustling Port Breeze street corner cafe, Lowain and the bros wait for (Captain) and the crew to return.
Idle talk ensues as they attempt to while away the hours.
Lowain: Totally. That was one trippy dream, dudes. Vira almost made me wet my imaginary pants.
Elsam: That crazy Kat machine looked way too beast to handle, man.
Tomoi: Dudes, if that thing was real, we would've been chewed up and spit out like a smokin' hot pile of nachos... with extra cheese.
Elsam: Stop right there, man. I don't even want to think about what'll happen if we ever take on Vira for reals.
Tomoi: Affirmatative, bro. Wonder what would've happened to the world if we lost the battle that time though.
Lowain: Whoaaa, Tommy. That's some uber-dark stuff you're talking there.
Elsam: Mega-gasp! Uber-pocalypse sounds
totally boss! A world in a million pieces. No chance. One hope. Cue dramatic music.
Tomoi: Ultra-gasp! Antiheroes doing whatever it takes? Taking no prisoners? Justifying means with ends? Vira's all about that kinda thing, man.
Lowain: I'm getting some seriously depressing vibes from this one. Hmm... I wonder...
Lowain: If the slimes ever do end up hitting the airship fan, though...
Vira: You can't halt the path of destiny! Katakilla, destroy them!
Katalina: Bzzzt! Squichy-clunk, squichy-clunk!
Katalina: L... Lo... wain?
Vira: Katakilla! Why are you hesitating! I commanded you to attack! Attack! Attack!
Lowain: Hahaha! Farrah, dude... I'm sorry, but I don't think I'll be going back to the G. Cyph.
Lowain: I need to finish this with my own two hands. If I always run from love, I'll never be able to hold on to it.
Vira: Katakilla! You are my ancient battle Katapillar! Obey me!
Katalina: Lov... Lov... Lov... Bzzzt.
Lowain: Katapillar, is it now? It's been a long time since I got mad, but...
Lowain: Her name is Kat! And she's my one true love!
Elsam: Dude, I'm with you. I'm totally mad too!
Tomoi: Me three, bro!
Lowain: Bros, activate!
All Three: H. P. A.!
All Three: Human Pyramid Attack!
Lowain: G-goodbye... Kat... I'm... sorry...
The bros' ultimate attack fails to defeat Vira.
Vira: Humph, insects. How dare they think they could defeat us.
Vira looks down with disdain at the three lifeless bodies.
Vira: Finally. No one remains to stand in our way.
Vira: Hehe... Hahaha! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Vira: Come, Katalina! We're going to make the world a better place. A perfect place. A universe with no one but the two of us!
Katalina: Beep... Gachunk... Termination complete.
Vira and Lady Katapillar soon begin their campaign of destruction, spreading utter annihilation across the skies.
The end of all things was nigh.
Vira: It's beautiful. A world without impurity. Without anything but us.
Vira: This is our paradise, Katalina. Just the two of us in this whole wide world.
Vira: My Katalina, my beloved. Be with me till the end of time.
Katalina: Gachunk... Clunk... Vira. I love you. Vira. I love you.
Lowain: They nestle close together, their silhouette framed by the setting sun...
Elsam: Into the blue. And beyond.
Tomoi: The end.
Lowain: Wait. What?
Dudes. The world ended.
Elsam: Dudeski... Insta-pocalypse.
Tomoi: Dudesters. No way we could have stopped her.
All Three: Totally.
Lowain: Vira's just too mad strong, fam.
Elsam: But like, I'm not really vibing the feels with that last scene... Needs more oomph, y'know?
Lowain: Oomph? Feel free to elaborate that muss, bruh.
Elsam: Look, the story needs more bone on the meat. Something to explore the raw emotions and hardships they might face on their journey together... dude.
Tomoi: Ahahaha! I think you mean meat on the bone, Sammy.
Tomoi: But yeah, I guess we could delve deeper into Vira's feelings and Katalina's conflict as a tool of the antihero... dude.
Lowain: True. Vira's feelings for Kat are like, almost as intense as mine.
Lowain: But won't that be more like a love story type of deal than a tragedy?
Tomoi: What're we gonna do then? I don't want the world to end all of a sudden. That sucks.
Elsam: Only one thing to do. We gotta not be dead.
Lowain: Whoa, whoa, Sammy. Bringing back dead heroes is like, ultimate rage fodder, man.
Lowain: How're we supposed to survive anyway?
Elsam: We fly away and escape?
Tomoi: What? Don't be stupid. How can you fly? You a bird or something? Birdbrain.
Elsam: Aww, c'mon! Peter Pan does it all the time! You never heard of Peter Pan?
Lowain: Peter's pants? Dude, I don't care who he is or what he does, his pants ain't gonna save us.
Tomoi: Bros. Think about it. Even if we do come back, Vira's just gonna insta-kill us again.
Lowain and Elsam: So true.
Tomoi: Can't call it an apoca-tragedy if the heroes are alive anyway.
Lowain: Hmm, you got a point there.
Elsam: Oh, well. Guess we'll stay dead for now then.
Tomoi: Stay dead. I live by that rule.
Life's hard for a tragedy hero, my bad end bros.
The bros make a tentative decision to remain deceased but postpone the end of the world, allowing the apocalyptic drama to cool... for now.
To be continued!
The Best Bad Ending Ever
Lady Katapillar and Vira successfully defeat Lowain and the bros, but enforcers from Amalthea have surrounded Vira's position. Lady Katapillar warns the enforcers to escape but is forced by Vira to attack them.
Our brosome trio awaits (Captain) and company's return, reminiscing about dreamland adventures to keep boredom at bay.
They recall a shared fantasy in which they foiled the dastardly designs of Vira and her robotic weapon of destruction: Lady Katapillar.
Today, however, they imagine what might have been had they not succeeded in defeating Vira that fateful day, thereby dooming the world to oblivion.
Childlike delusions abound as they spin a tale of tragedy in their alternate universe.
Thus continues their deluded narrative.
Lady Katapillar and Vira successfully defeat Lowain and the bros.
But enforcers from Amalthea have already gotten wind of the situation, dispatching forces to find and surround Vira's position.
Enforcers: Halt! We have you surrounded! Surrender or face the might of the Enforcers!
Vira: Tsk! Curse this pest infested world!
Vira: Katakilla! The time is now! We shall purge this universe of its filth and create a paradise where none can come between us!
Katalina: Ngh... Everyone... run away!
Vira: Katakilla! Eradicate them!
Katalina: Beep! Gachunk... Whirr... Target: locked.
Enforcers: Wha! Halt, I say! What're you—
The Best Bad Ending Ever: Scene 2
Lady Katapillar is distraught with the evil she is forced to do, causing Lowain and bros to wish they were alive to comfort her. The story continues with Vira refueling Lady Katapillar when monsters catch them by surprise.
Elsam: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Duuude, Vira's crazy, man!
Tomoi: This dream... just got real!
Lowain: Kat was totally hurting all over inside! I wish I was alive to comfort her! My woman's mechanical tears are hollering out to me in the beyond!
Elsam: Dudes! I'm coming back to life! I'm gonna re-life and stop Vira!
Tomoi: Sammy... We can't do nothing, bruh. We're all lifed-out... We're dead.
Elsam: But... But!
Lowain: The dead have no place in the realm of the living, Elsam... All we can do now is watch as the world faces its final days.
Completely immersed in their own world, the troubled trio finds their hearts terribly torn by the tragic tale.
Several moments pass. Once the pain of the previous scene has subsided, they begin to talk about Lady Katapillar's fuel supply.
Elsam: Hey, I was thinking. How long do you think her fuel tanks last?
Tomoi: Huh? What's it matter? Hmm, but now that you mention it...
Lowain: Dude, Kat's not some rust bucket airship. She's an ultra-hybrid hyper-weapon.
Tomoi: Even ultra-high-bid hyphy-weapons need fuel, bro. Enough to last through total world eradication.
Elsam: Totes on that one, Tommy. At this rate she's gonna be out of fuel in no time.
Lowain: True... But I guess Vira's sorta handling it somehow, right?
Elsam: Sorta somehow?
Lowain: Sorta like...
Vira: Katalina! I've brought some fresh fuel for you! Pardon me while I fill you up.
Vira circles behind Lady Katapillar, opens the fuel door, and begins pouring the liquid in.
Katalina: Vira... You have to stop this madness.
Vira: There we are. All full.
Vira acts like she didn't hear anything and begins to step away.
Seeing this, Lady Katapillar raises her voice to speak, but finds herself shouting instead.
Katalina: Vira! Listen to me! If you do this, what will be left for you in this world? Nothing!
Katalina: This is wrong! Think of all the people you're going to sacrifice! And for what? For the likes of me?
Vira's eyes open wide. She closes the distance with Lady Katapillar in an instant.
Vira: I won't tolerate anyone who demeans you, Katalina, not even yourself.
Vira: You have no idea how much you mean to me. This entire world cannot compare to even a fraction of you.
Vira: Katalina... To have you by my side is all I could want.
Vira: I don't care if you despise me. I'll just have to exceed your hate... with my love.
Lady Katapillar is stunned silent by Vira's words.
Vira! Look out!
The Best Bad Ending Ever: Scene 3
Lady Katapillar is touched when she spies Vira toiling to make fuel for her, braving agonizing burns in the process. The bros are moved to tears by Vira's love. Vira and Lady Katapillar are attacked by monsters once again, and the bros choose to return to life to save them.
Katalina: Vira? Are you all right? Are you hurt?
The beasts that attacked Vira were the survivors of a surplus of monsters she had previously ordered.
Vira: Thank you for protecting me. You've always been my guardian angel.
Katalina: I-I'm just doing what anyone would have.
Vira: Hehe. You are and always were the one for me, Katalina.
Vira tidies up her battle-rumpled attire.
Lady Katapillar notices several burns and scratches on Vira's arms and hands.
Katalina: Hm? Vira, your arms... you're hurt!
Vira hides her arm in a hurry and flashes a smile at her companion.
Katalina: No, it's not! Show it to me. We need to treat those wounds as soon as possible.
Vira: I'm fine, Katalina. Don't worry about me. I'll be taking a quick survey of the perimeter now. Please, stay here and rest a while.
Katalina: Where's she going? Forgive me, Vira, but I have to know.
Katalina: Why would she come all the way out here? Hm... Is that what I think it is?
Vira: How could I let her worry about me like that? She should never have to feel that way.
Vira: That last battle should have drained almost all her fuel. I need to get this batch to her as soon as I can. Just a little more until this batch finishes...
Vira accidentally touches the hot boiler with one of her fingers.
Vira: What a terrible scar. Katalina must have been so distraught when she saw these on me.
Vira: I'd better get back to her soon. I can't afford to make her worry about me any more than she already has.
Vira: Oh no! Now look what I've done! I need to bring the heat down!
Lady Katapillar watches Vira as she toils away brewing fuel.
Katalina: Vira... I never knew...
Lady Katapillar could not help but be moved by sight she beheld.
Lowain: Sorta like that?
Elsam: Sob... Sniffle... Vira's love is so legit...
Tomoi: Whoa, Vira's got relationship issues too...
And dude, quit being such a crybaby.
Elsam: B-but... Vira's love is so mad unreal dude... Doesn't it just break your heart?
Lowain: Nothing's gonna stop her from making the perfect paradise for her and Kat. Nothing.
Tomoi: And how do you know that?
Lowain: Dude. Tomzies. Me and Vira... we love the same woman.
Lowain: Trust me, I know her thoughts like my own, 'kay?
Elsam: Sniffle... Lowain... I never knew you loved Kat that deep, man.
Tomoi: Dude, that's totally radical.
Lowain: Totally radical?
Elsam: Totally badical!
All Three: Totally rabadical!
The bros continue their story.
Vira: I'm back! I know you used up quite a bit of fuel from the previous battle... so I brought some more!
Katalina: O-oh... Thank you, Vira.
Vira: Katalina! Behind you!
Vira: Get away from her, beast!
Luminiera! Lend me your strength!
Katalina: Vira, leave me and run—
Vira: Katalina! What's happened to you? Oh no, she's out of fuel!
Vira: Ngh! Begone!
Vira attempts to keep the encroaching horde at bay while approaching Lady Katapillar.
Vira: Katalina! Take this fuel!
Katalina: Go on. Without me. Save. Your. Self... Whirr... Chunk...
Vira: Katalina? Katalina! No, could she be damaged?
Vira searches frantically for what could be wrong with Lady Katapillar. The monsters take the opportunity to attack.
Katalina: Vi-Vi... Vi... ra... Get. Down.
Vira: No! Katalina!
Vira: Gwagh... Rgh...
Elsam: Dude, dude, dude, dude! What're we gonna do?
Lowain: Kat's in major danger!
Tomoi: And Vira's in major danger!
Elsam: Bros! We need to come back! This is no time to be dead!
Lowain: Affirmatative, bro. But when do we come back?
Tomoi: Dude, who cares. Why not right now?
Lowain: Right now? Convenient much?
Tomoi: Broster, this is the most epic time to re-appear! Deus ex mackin' on Kat, Lowain!
Elsam: That's what heroes do, man: nick of time, all the time.
Lowain: Awright! You sold me... and there ain't no refunds!
Tomoi: Saaay... When Vira sees Lowain's legendarious entrance, I bet she'll totally stop hating on him!
Elsam: Not to mention he'll be Katalina's knight in shining armor to boot!
Lowain: Whoa, that sounds totally rad!
'Kay, I got it. How about this...
Elsam: Time to bring the bropain!
Tomoi: And the bropain accessories!
Vira: Y-you're alive!
Elsam: Heh heh!
Tomoi: Kat! Vira! You guys chill right there.
Lowain: We got this, Kat! Just hang tight!
Katalina: Lo... wain? Is it... really you?
Lowain: Time to show 'em what we got, dudes!
All Three: H. P. A.!
All Three: Human Pyramid Attack!
The Best Bad Ending Ever: Scene 4
The bros imagine the scene following Lowain's valiant death in battle, when the real Vira interrupts their daydream. She's overheard their story and proceeds to show them the severity of her displeasure with a swift death—this time in reality... or is it imagination again? Perhaps one day the bros will return from the grave once again, but until then may they rest happily ever after.
The odds were stacked against them, but Lowain, Elsam, and Tomoi emerge triumphant.
But they don't emerge unscathed. In exchange for victory, they make the greatest of all sacrifices.
Lowain: Farewell... friends...
Lowain fights to the very last. He dies with honor.
Elsam and Tomoi: Lowaaain!
Elsam and Tomoi wrap their arms around Lowain's lifeless body. Lady Katapillar watches in shock.
Elsam: Stop kiddin' around, Lowain! Open your eyes! You can't leave us, you hear me? You can't!
Tomoi: Lowain! Wake up, man! There's no legend without you! Come back, you selfless jerk!
Katalina: H-how are you... alive?
Vira: That fool. Did he think this would help us?
Tomoi: That's cold, Vira! How could you say that? Lowain gave his life to—
A tear streams down Vira's cheek.
The pained mourning of Lowain's comrades echoes across the ravaged battlefield.
Lowain: Dude! I'm so... freakin'... radbad!
Elsam: "Farewell... friends..."
So totally flippin' badrad!
Tomoi: Lowain, that was legendary, man! The way you died, those feels... too brutal!
The brothers revel in the fruits of their labor. Their tragedy was finally complete.
Or so they thought.
Elsam: Just one thing I don't get though. Vira cried at the end, right? What's that all about?
Tomoi: What? Dude, that's obviously... Wait, what does that mean?
Tomoi: Katalina was saved. The guy she hated so much was dead. What's there to cry about?
Lowain: Pfft! Dudes. You gotta know how a woman's heart beats, man.
Elsam: What, and you do?
Lowain: Elementary, my dear bros. My totally valiant sacrifice totally touched her heart!
Tomoi: Pfft. No way, man. You're rivals, remember?
Elsam: Oh, y'know what. She was hurt, right? Bet she was crying from the pains.
Tomoi: Yeah right. Delayed reaction much?
Lowain: Meh, I dunno. Only Vira would know for sure. Women, dude. Never gonna understand 'em.
Tomoi and Elsam: Ditto.
Vira: And what, pray tell, would only I know for sure?
All Three: Bwuh? Vira?
Lowain: Y-you're done with the job already? That was wicked fast!
Vira: But of course. With Katalina by my side, such an assignment is nothing. More importantly, however...
Vira: Would you care to enlighten me on this Lady Katapillar you've been cackling about?
Vira whips her blade out of its sheath.
Lowain: Wh-wh-whoa, Vira! Wait! Please!
Elsam: V-V-Vira, l-l-let's just chillax a sec, okay?
Tomoi: Look, we can explain! Just let us—
Vira: Under no circumstance will I tolerate being slandered.
Vira: And I will not, by any means, allow Katalina's name to be tarnished!
All Three: Aieee!
Vira: Prepare yourselves, vermin, for the fury you have wrought! Know my wrath!
The bros have made Vira angry. Very angry.
Vira: Luminiera, I call upon your power! Grant me sword and shield to clear away all in my path!
Elsam and Tomoi: Lowaaain!
Vira: Worry not. You'll be reunited with your friend soon enough!
Elsam and Tomoi: Aieee!
Perhaps one day the bros will return from the grave once again. But when that day will be is anyone's guess.
Until then, may they rest happily ever after.